Sunday, January 01, 2012

GLOOM + DOOM

Today is January 1, 2012. The very first day of the year 2012. Yes, indeed. New year should be celebrated with new spirits and the so-called new year resolutions (ahhh, I don't give a damn about new year's resolution!). But here I am, doing nothing. Nothing good. Just killing some time that shouldn't be killed. In fact, it should be treasured. I should use that time to do good things. But I don't know, I just have no mood to get in work. I guess I'm in the middle of some heavy mood swing. 

I really despise this feeling. It's vexing you know. Having to do a lot of works in such a limited time but at the same time being in such a depressed condition until I cannot do a thing makes me feel so CONGESTED. You know? It's hard to be me. There always comes a time whenever I feel like life is unfair. I always ask Allah, why did all these things happen to me? Why do I have to face such great obstacles and ordeals in life? You must be wondering (even if you do and care la kan) why did I say such OBSTACLES and ORDEALS and PAINS and MISERIES. Because I just have to say it. Coz I LOVE to lament. I LOVE to complain. I LOVE to COMPARE. And I LOVE to wallow in sadness. That's why I'm always DISTRAUGHT yaw. Just like a BEREAVED person (when your cats die for instance).

I don't know. I just don't like being me. I hate MYSELF! But thanks to Allah, with the gift of IMAN bestowed upon me, I am able to stand still though sometimes I tend to waver a bit. Yes, it was just a wavering. But at some other times, my life felt like a vertigo that I tend to collapse very easily to the end of the windy road. At such times, I need the helping hands, the helping hands of those who care to help those in need. I need those warm hands. Please lend me some hands. 

Whatever la kan major loser kalau dah jadi down tak tahu nak buat ape sampai tulis entri pun dah merapu gilebabeng. Sorry for such harsh words. I'm off to the underworld. Bye cruel world. Bye.

p/s: see the title of the blog? LOST IN MADNESS. That's me.


I hope I can get back into the mood soon...

2 comments:

Erma Fatiha said...

kenapa kadang bersyukur dengan nikmat serta rezeki yang Tuhan berikan saban waktu?

iman + parents that really love u + friends all aorund u + lecturers that love u + good grade in exam + good location for industrial training without trying so hard + many more...

alhamdulillah.

Jαnnαhツ said...

yes, actually because of that things la aku become lagi sedih dan bersalah kalu aku x gunakan rezki tu di tempatnye. aku jadi lagi sedeh kalau aku x bersyukur dan berbuat dosa walau sedikit. aku makin rase bersalah dan tidak layak pun menerima nikmat sehebat yang kamu katakan itu sebab aku ni orang yg berdosa. selalu berdosa. hina dan berdosa. nasihati aku. wassini...

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