Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Ketap Gigi

Walimah budak gigi ngan budak medik kat Padang Midin Teganung. Pasangan mempelai-Nusaibah dan Harith. Kawan masa Tamhidi USIM. Lama dokk jupee budok2 ni. Hok ada pong berapa kerat je. Yang lain maybe datang lewat (or maybe tak berkesempatan datang). Huhu. Tak menyompet nak tau perkembangan depa... Dakpe la dehhh. Lain kali ade rezeki kita jumpa lagi. 

Comel je Nusaibah. Sweet dengan dress pink belacan.

Best friend masa tamhidi dulu. Hikhik.

Monday, November 25, 2013


I have this kind of phobia; AGORAPHOBIA. It’s a type of fear towards people. Yeah, it might sound foolish but it is the truth.  I always love to isolate myself and avoid social interactions because I fret of getting hurt, or maybe hurting others. I had seen so many evidences that people who love to mingle around and make alliances with others in their microcosm of life often ended up being hurt. Sometimes, they hurt others.  I am afraid to face this thing. I do NOT wish to be hurt.

Whenever you make friends with people out there, you cannot expect that everybody is similar in terms of behavioral natures. Like what they say, when you know you do not bite lions, do not expect the lions are not gonna bite you. That’s the law of the universe; cruel yet easy to comprehend. I often tried hard in controlling my words so that I would not harm anybody. And often I expect others will do the same. But life is not that innocent; they’re those who love to curse and humiliate others, talking back (backbiting) and become hypocrites in what they say. Because let’s face it; some people were just born to be mean!

Mingling around and building relationships with people can make one’s weaknesses to unveil. It’s common. Some may use those weaknesses as analogous weapons to go against you. Some may try to help you overcoming them. That’s why I refused to reveal everything about myself. It is perilous. You don’t know which one of your friends can keep secret about all the things you revealed to them. So I always remember to keep mum about almost everything about me in order to reduce the risk of getting hurt.

Being an outcast is so not healthy though. But then again I must admit that I am such a coward; I dare not to be open with others. I am so afraid of being laughed at or being made fun of. It’s just humiliating. Who loves being treated like a bunch of clowns? Tell me.

I am just afraid that people will say that I am arrogant or snobbish. No I am not. I am trying to keep certain distance with people so that I will not be a victim of those scumbags who only know how to exacerbate bad things and hid good things. Like what people say, nine good things we did could never forgive one single bad thing we do. People would always look up for one bad thing. That’s how judgmental people are getting nowadays.

If I am to describe who I am- I am lack with confidence. Passion? Well, maybe I got enough passion but the road towards my dream is a bit blurry and obscure so the efforts is more like those of a snails’ sluggish move. Ahah! I am beavering myself towards the thing and hopefully Allah will ease my bumpy path.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

LiMiT *japanese drama 2013*

Limit; yet another drama worth watching. Like always, Japan never disappoints you with its quality plots and distinct characters in each and every one of the drama/film produced. That's why JDrama has always been my favourite. JDRAMA saikooo!

The story revolves around a bunch of classmates who had survived a bus accident which happened due to the lackadaisical act of the bus company that assigned the driver through an unreasonable shift. During their 5-day journey of staying alive throughout the ordeal, many things happened. Their past had made them turn on each other. Instead of sticking together and having strong camaraderie, they had chauvinism and prejudice which had stirred anger and triggered some bad incidents among them. 

Meet Konno Mizuki, the protagonist of the series. The incident of their school bus straying off the cliff had taught her a lot. Before, she believed that this life requires one to be able to read the atmosphere in order to avoid hurting others and being hurt. But then after the life-claiming accident only she realized that life is larger than that. 

Usui san, the girl who taught that she was being a burden to her friends due to her wounded ankle. She was cornered by Moriko who had her temporary psychotic break. Eventually Usui ran away after snatching the sickle from Moriko, hoping to seek help herself. However, Konno found her and tried to persuade her back to the cave. But finally Usui was killed in an accident involving Hinata, the one and only guy who survived the catastrophe.

Konno was sad when Kamiya told her that Hinata could be the one to be suspected in the case of Usui's death. Hinata has been Konno's swimming clubmate and he had always encouraged her whenever she felt down. Having to doubt his boyfriend was excruciating and confusing. But then again, things happen for reasons. 

 Morishige Moriko had been repeatedly bullied by her classmates. That is why she had become extremely driven during the team survival throughout the mess. Having the sickle made her most powerful among her friends. Due to her dad's abusive acts, she had become more timid and reclusive. That was one of the reasons why she had been a subject of bully at her school. 

Haru; the upset girl who had been depressed over the death of her friend, Sakura Himesawa. She blamed Konno for taking away her original position as Sakura's number 1 friend. She was quite revenge-driven when she almost stabbed Konno after a provocation by Moriko. Fortunately Kamiya's swift act had saved Konno from the mishap.

Kamiya was the most composed one in this drama. Amidst their struggle to escape the unfortunate fate, she was the one who remained smart and cool. She thought that being distraught and restless will not help her going nowhere. That's why she tried to be as calm as possible in order to be able to bring herself and survive the tragedy. Because she knows no matter what happens, she had to return back to her other siblings since she was their only mom-cum-dad. 

Yeah enough for a review.

Sunday, November 17, 2013



These 2 weeks had taught me a lot of things. Being with these people make me understand how important ukhuwaah is. You cannot live alone. The presence of your loved ones does give difference to your life. That’s what I thought.

Kawan-kawan yang dermawan, sekali terpandang pasti terkenang, rindu bertamu hati tertawan (acewah)

Attending the seminar is another thing to talk about. It was loaded with lots of information. We were told that the offer which we had already accepted is very risky since even upon graduation, we are not guaranteed with any position, unless there is vacancy. Imagine how much pressure was it. Nah, not too much actually coz if we were not given any job, we are FREE to go; no longer attached to USIM. Yabedabedu aku bleh mintak UMT or UNISZA dekat umah hohohohohooh (gelak cara Haroro/Haha).

Takpelah, tu bab rezeki Allah. Da masuk tajuk lain.

There were so many other things we were exposed to and so many stories regarding our seniors’ journey to PhD. Ah, another thing. The seminar emphasized more on PhD candidates. Yeah, like what they said, postgrad study is merely a bridge towards PhD journey which is far much more challenging and full of anguish, chaos, havoc, ordeal, pain, predicament, turmoil, blablabla  (so many bizaree vocabs mehhh). Takpe, just go thru the flow you are meant to follow. I don’t know la. If you ask me how I feel about this, of course I’ll blatantly say that I am scared, vulnerable, fragile, insecure and so on, because the road is far. I’m just at the very beginning of it. However, I must pull myself together and perceiving things a glass half full and move on sturdily, for I know who is behind all these mess. ALLAH. Yes I said mess coz it’s a good thing to be in a mess actually. We will feel an urge hunch that we need to turn to Him for help and guidance. Yes, if Allah put you in the hardship, He’ll bring you through it. Yeah you can do it champs! And after the testing series of sufferings, you’ll rejuvenate at the sip of success at the very end of it all. Believe in that and you are okay with it. Bear with all of it. Coz for a worthless stone to become precious diamond, it had to withstand so much pressure. Yeah the journey is what counts most for you to taste the sweet nectar of success. So you might as well enjoy the ride.

Doing a research is not a sprint; it's a MARATHON

I thought I already had given my best shot during the proposal presentation. I hope everything will be sailing smooth, but again, a PhD is not a PhD if it is sailing smooth ahha. But there must be some degree of non-smoothness. Ehem. I hope Prof Ismail understood what I was babbling about. One thing I was corrected upon; the way I wrote the objectives. Yah that’s how being a human is. We make mistakes. We cannot expect that we are good in everything we do. Nobody is good in everything and nobody is baddd at everything. Haha quoted from The Strange Housekeeper.

Jannah kuasa dua in da house. double effect, double the fun hehehhee

Jealousy membelenggu diri saat melihat rakan-rakan memiliki office berhawa dingin yuols untuk study and buat revision, siap dengan cubicles untuk ruangan masing-masing. Jeles gile la kat korang. Arghh tidakkkkk, kenapa kat sini takde buat macam nie???! *stressed sambil tarik rambut*

Kalau diikutkan cerita daripada panel yang bagi ceramah, memang scary. Ada yang dah dekat nak habis kene tukar SV sebab SV meninggal la, pencen la, sakit la, macam-macam la. Yang paling sadis cerita Dr Neezam yang belajar kat Melbourne dulu. Dr Neezam cakap dia ada sorang senior. Lepas 2 tahun setengah buat PhD, dia kene tukar SV sebab mende aku pun lupa kahkah. SV dia sakit ke pencen aku tak pasti. Ehem. Pahtu, bila dapat je SV baru, SV dia tu tak bagi lulus dissertation! Kau bayangkan dasyatnya da dekat nak habis belajar alih-alih SV cakap thesis tak menepati level PhD research???? Gile. Memang gile lah. Tak tahu la salah sapa dalam hal tu. Salah student tu atau salah SV baru, atau salah SV lama. Kau rasa?

Dr Neezam sendiri pon, dia kalu ikutkan habis PhD dalam masa 2 tahun 9 bulan. Tapi sebab SV mek salehs tu duduk peram dissertation dia kat bawah meja, mende tu jadi delay dekat setahun. Kalau delay saje-saje takde masalah. Tapi ni delay yang melibatkan duit yuran yang wajib dibayar kalau tak memang tak boleh grad maknok. Tak tahu nape SV mek salehs tu melambatkan proses penyemakan thesis Dr Neezam. Padahal once da dapat kat external evaluator, memang sekejap je lepas. Macam-macam kes ade. Penat nak citer semua.

Kisah yang paling sweet aku dengar masa seminar tu, ada PhD student fly overseas dengan bertemankan suami/isteri. Ada satu kes ni, PhD student ni buat research pasal bidang yang memerlukannya guna software. Kebetulan suaminya orang computer. Si suamilah yang create software untuk memudahkan keje si isteri. Walawehh sweet bebenor la. Kes yang satu lagi, si suami buat PhD, si isteri tolong ajar si suami bahasa inggeris. Siap semak grammatical errors dalam writing lagi ahahahhaa. Seronok je dengar. That’s what we call mutual benefits.

Panel penceramah (PhD holders) yang muda-muda. Hmmm. Speechless.

 p/s: the joy of knowing something new is priceless. but the journey towards that is often defined as a painful series of hurdles and challenges. curiosity kills a cat, maybe cut a slit of a human's ego and claims your loyalty to His Almighty Allah. 

Masa pegi lawat baby baru yang comelssss. Tahniah Dr Siti atas kelahiran baby boy yg ensemmm!

travelling buddies

nota sakit kaki: Doing research is like playing golf, sooner or later you will reach the end road.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013


Salam mahabbah wal mawaddah.

Sepanjang aku berada di Nilai untuk kursus methodology research ni, aku mula mengerti makna menjadi student master yg sebenar benarnya. Tu pun sebab kene present proposal hari jumaat ni kahkah. Em. Babtu la kene paksa diri sendiri untuk rummage through those avalanche of journals and whatnot barula bleh tambah info masa QT nanti. Ha takut. Kene suruh present baru buat2 sibuk nak stadi itu ini. Ngahaha. Itulah aku.

If you ask me memang agak stressful la but this is positive punya stress ni. Bayangkanlah kelas stat kul 9. Makanan yg disediakan hanyalah brunch. Masa lunch kitorang duduk surau pon kene on laptop sbb nak siapkan slide presentation and report last month. Malam pulak bila da stat on laptop mmg xlayan lah kawan2 ajak makan ke tgok THE STRANGE HOUSEKEEPER ke kalu namanya memang species suka melanguk depan laptop. Sibuk ya Allah.

Penat la jugak but somehow it's a good exercise towards being a diligent, persistent and resilient student. Yeahhh. Sabar bawak berkat. Hmm.

K dah la. Nak sambung rehat before masuk hall. Sejukk okay hall tu. So kene invigorate diri sendiri jap. Invigorate apakah?

P/s: felony in fellowship means one doesn't get to complete the study within the allocated time frame so he or she will be imposed fine of paying back the same amount of money given for sponsorship. Okay this is officially scary mary biskut marieee.

Tuesday, November 05, 2013


There was me, sitting by the safety yellow lane while holding onto the big o bag. The shrieking sound of the screeching steels from the train had startled me. Somehow the exasperating sound throws the frantic me back into the time when we were a bunch of bachelor degree students. I suddenly remembered the past. How sweet those times were! Waiting ecstaticcally for the train for a weekend outing somewhere between sg gadut and port klang. Hm how I wish to revive those joyful days. Nah, no use for the idle thought. Well I'm just being reminiscent. that's all folks

Friday, November 01, 2013

mellow melodies

where you can reach me.

where you can reach me.