Monday, November 03, 2014

Bad Day

Everyday I feel like killing myself. Today I had been scolded for being insensitive on the waste treatment of media in cell culture. For some reasons, I don't think I deserve the scolding because nobody actually showed me the correct way. These people, they want you to do things according to their ways but they refused to show you how. Get it?

How more confusing life would be?

And when you finally get taught on how to handle things, this person says this, another person says that, and then come along another guy saying this and that are both wrong. So which one should I follow?? Can you do me a favor and tell me???? See how stuck I can get when facing such painful set of tragedies of life????

Yes, somehow I do feel guilty because I didn't bother asking people around before actually remove the media from the fridge merely by tossing them into the bin without disinfecting the content first using Clorox whatsoevaaa. And it was exacerbated with the disgusting act of someone who seemed to be disgusted of my acts. I know I was guilty as charged, but lets face the fact that this is merely my fourth month of conducting cell study. Truthfully I wanna see how these kind of people will come to term as to what cell cultures are really about. See how others might not forgive your wrongdoings. I hate it when people don't seem to be forgiving on my mistakes given that I am prone to do mistakes due to lack of exposure and formal guidance. I was just instructed informally by colleagues and yet I cannot use that as a justification to my hideous act because when you do something wrong, they say do not put blame on others. Take full responsibility. I cannot say nobody teaches me how to do that coz lets face it, you have every chance of asking anybody about that. 

It's sad. Really. Being treated like discarded vermin in the sewer, and tossed around like an unwanted trash. Yeah that was how I feeling when I was going through that reprimanding words from the pegawai sains. Yeah I do not blame her cause I did make the grave mistake errr wait not so grave la but she gave a warning, " don't make me mad next time coz you do not want to make me mad" in a stern voice while trying to repress her anger by idly filling those plastic bags with some fluids. I was shaken a bit la when she said that right on my face. I tried to stay calm and be brave, pretending that I was totally cool but deep inside, I was hurting. I feel like running away from all these and go somewhere nobody will give me that judgmental looks.  I wanna escape this world full of lies and stupidity and unending lusts and desires. This world does not color me intrigued. In fact, the world currently I am in, color me hopeless, sad and mad on many things. Injustice everywhere, from my childhood up to my adolescence and now, my adulthood. I really don't know why but I always find myself crossing paths with people who are not open to forgiving. It's baffling, really bafflng coz me myself, I can totally forgive others' mistakes. Why cannot they forgive me? It's so not fair. Some times, I try not to impose the same bad thing people deliberately impose on me coz I know revenge is nothing but cruel dish. You know how painful that thing is so why would you do the same to others? Be compassionate, even to your enemies. That's how Muhammad pbuh taught us. How sweet is that. Totally honey.

It has been so many times that I had been wondering, why am I living? What is my purpose of life? Why am I here? Why am I sitting in my bed, writing  a blog post, while ranting on various bad things in my life with no regards to my other blessings? Am  I being too ungrateful? Coz that's a fair share. Now I am having a random writing fandom. I keep blabbering without purpose, maybe the only motive would be to satisfy my hard feelings or it could be an attempt to divert my attention from those bad things.

You know what, I always dream of traveling all over the world, helping the poor and teach a thing or two about life to other people in the search for myself. I cannot deny that the spirit does stir in me all this while. I really envy those backpackers who enjoy travelling around the globe with nothing to worry about their tomorrow, just trying to live the day and making the best of it. Life is so short to harbor hard feelings. Live peacefully, smile and make people in your life happy. 

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mellow melodies

where you can reach me.

where you can reach me.