Monday, December 08, 2014


Hari ni terbukti lagi sekali bahawa segenap inci daripada golden rules apply dalam kehidupan. Kalau orang Hindi akan sebut karma which according to Raj, Newtonian (you get back what you put in). Kita orang Islam sebut kaffarah. What goes around comes around. So if you want a good ending, you must put best efforts into whatever you are doing, especially the starting point of it. Even dalam sains, energy is conserved. It is not created nor destroyed, but it changes its form. Sweet huh? No, maybe geek.

Hey no geeks here (haha)

On another unrelated topic, now I am kind of into listening to Hidustan movies song clips. Since I watched that movie Dil Hai Tumhara played by Arjun Rampal and the absolutely pretty Preity Zinta last week, I suddenly was like being thrown back into old days of Bollywood era. The cornucopia of mellifluous songs from those box office movies really drew me into fantasy world of love lol.  Those songs ipso facto reveal the emotions and feelings of the singers that would reach people's heart in a lovely and entertaining fashion. 

Agak2 kat Mydin leh jumpe dok mat bangla cam arjun rampal? ngeh ngeh

Now I am quite busy with labworks. No matter how busy I am now, I feel content. And when I looked back to my times at the old place, I can say that now I am much happier. Being surrounded by good friends and colleagues really give me those good vibes. It's not that my old friends are not good. It's just that I am more easily fit in with this new microcosm. It's good to be among those people who are of the same speed with you, who understand you more. Because before this when I was with those super seniors, I could not catch their drift. I failed to relate to anything they were doing. Yeah they were wayyy ahead of me so no wonder lahhh they had done their works faster than me and I should never compare my work to those who are already halfway down the road - it's stupid and useless. Don't be a moron Jannah. 

You see, the problem is that I kept on comparing and complaining on so many things that it thwarted me from being the real me ---- the perky girl who loves mingling around and cracking jokes with people, the one who loves helping others and make joyful conversation and even gossiping (duh). I tend to isolate myself into the hard shell of impenetrable ego that it eats me from inside whenever I felt intimidated or gravely inferior by the presence of certain elements that shook my spirit off. I was devastated by my own hands and heart. AND the dire state of angst and total isolation was worsened when nobody was willing to lend a helping hand. It was awful and pitiful. 

I really wished that there would be someone who could come and hug me, stroke my shoulders and tell me, "It's gonna be okay, Jannah, everything is gonna be all right". Something like that. I was at the brink of destruction and almost fell off the cliff of life hurdles. Nevertheless Allah gave me strength and that bloody black episode had finally gone away, far faaaaarrrrrrrrr away, like the cottony puffs of pungent smoke in a rainy day but the scar is strongly engraved in the deepest part of my brain --- probably hippocampus. I moved on despite its constant replay when triggered at times. It keeps on repeating and repeating whenever it want, splattering those grotesque images from one of the worst things that ever happen to me in my life. Ugh. I don't think the scar will ever perish. Something like that surely remain. It shall linger around to teach me a lot about this life and I cannot ever forget it. Coz I have an eidetic memory, like that of Sheldon Cooper. Or maybe Wesley Crushers (please, more Big Bang Theory referencess? Lame-o)


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mellow melodies

where you can reach me.

where you can reach me.