Saturday, March 21, 2015

diary of narcissist: care too much or idling of such?

when i care too much, i care too much. like --- a lot. i keep thinking and thinking and then the overthinking makes me dizzy. it makes me feel chaffed. emotionally chaffed. i became restless, gasping in the air of frantic fusion of terror and low self esteem. and then i stop. i'd stop to care. i would not give a damn about it. i pretend it is not much of importance. i cornered those feelings deep inside the farthest dungeon of memory box, and i locked it so tight. i'd do something else to take this weary mind off of those shackles of world. i then go into a state of idle. i idle too much i guess. and it's too threatening. to me, it is.







when you think too much, it gets overwhelming inside the brain. you then connect all the dots of problem and it become a big chunk of black balloon. this humongous mass of balloon will press the sensitive area of your brain, making you alert at the surrounding. you then go grabbing you stuffs, trying to get things done. you staggered. you dropped your things. your heart throbs in terror. nothing good will come out of such a dreary state. hmm i just hate it when it happens.





i always want to get things done fast. i tend to multitask. i guess that's just how women are made. we are bound to making so many things all at once. well you know what they say, women are the masters of multitasking (MOM). go ask your mom. of course she multitask. unlike men, women are tend to relate one thing to another coz we have tangled lines of thought. we are so good at connecting the dots of problem in our head. it's hardwired into our nature. ALLAH made us that way. for reasons. men, they like do things one by one. that's why when men do chores, they'll never get to do all things at the right time. us women? we swooshes like a superhero in cleaning the house, cooking and tending to kids and laundry. women are amazing right?





hm, i guess i'll just go with the flow and be patient. do things one by one and never look back. step up jannah.

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