Lately I have been punishing myself. I keep on blaming my weak inner will to change for a better person. It always get me thinking, why there is no way to erase all negative and bad things running in my mind? How bad would it be if there is CTRL+Z button in our life that we could undo all bad things we did all this while so that life won't be as traumatic as it's already and always been? How pernicious would life be if we have that DELETE button where we can erase all bad memories that engraved scars so bad we barely live happily without remembering those things?
I really wish I can throw myself into a well (read al-Kautsar) and have all my sins cleansed and I can start my life anew, having fresh and undoubted views on life. Oh alas boys, God don't do the life that way. Allah created rules for us to adhere to and no matter gruesome the rule may be, we need to accept because these punishments are reciprocal to all those bad deeds. And once a person accept the punishment he will be cleansed from the sin committed once and for all.
That's why in the time of the prophet the one muslim had admitted to committing adultery (with a woman) in front of Muhammad saw. Our beloved prophet thought that man was intoxicated because the punishment for those who commit adultery is severe. However, out of wanting to repent from such hideous act, this man was ready to be sentenced with such punishment. Severe punishment is for severe deeds. So don't label Islam as a barbaric teaching. There's no such punishment for those who don't commit anything wrong. Thats why I find the reluctance of the malaysian government to implement hudud baffling. Don't you argue a nose is for a nose and a tooth is for a tooth? Justice should be apprehended for those oppressed.
I really wish that I can see what my life would be like if I took the road not taken. If only my wish is doable.