Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Real Reality

They are much better than me. They really are much brighter and much more beautiful than me. They are so keen in everything they do while I always tend to lose focus in things I am interested in after some time.

This is how I portray myself. I always try to put myself below these people. I degrade myself to a lower extent. So that I can improve my life. So that I will achieve true greatness from Allah. These people are simply means to get to paradise. Meaning I'll need to treat people equally and nicely so that He will reward me in the hereafter.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Laser Lemak

Now I am trying so hard to lose my weight. Breakfast at 8-9 am. Lunch at 1-2 pm. No food after 7 pm! Eat dinner at 6-7 pm only! And before going to sleep, I drink half-full glass of kangen water. And I recite 21 times bismillah, once ayat kursi, 2 kalimah syahadah and doa tidur. Really woke up to a peachy morning!!

And guess what's best? I realized I got slimmer tummy!! And it's just the third night I started the regime!!! Wahhhh!!

After this, I must drink more water to be more kurus murussss mulussss telussss gebusss..... 

UMT (22 Februari 2015)

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Pompous schmuck or real douchebag?

Sometimes, people are judgy. They come at you telling you this and that and what not to do and what should you do without really understand the root cause of your action. These people are mean. But sometimes, judgy people come in handy. The judgment can set things straight. 

It's good to have people underestimating us. It's good when they thought we are all stupid or reckless or poor. But in actuality, we are better than what they imagined. Whenever the moment is right and those people finally get to learn the truth, it would be a great satisfaction. 

Friday, February 20, 2015

el matrimonio

so yesterday we went to my cousin's wedding at Merkang, Pasir Puteh.

lawa sungguh bride nieh. Wan Nurul Farani a.k.a Golly Sandra

Suke tema marriage depa. vintage classic 


Eh jumpa depa kat Selising. Umah Ecah gabak beso~

Thursday, February 19, 2015



You buy so many books yet you let them collecting dusts on the book shelves together with those unread books. Duh, lame-o!

It's wasting ------ being a tsundoku.

Better buy something beneficial rather than buying something just because you want others to perceive you as an avid reader.

me wow!

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Angelababy lah sangattt

Oriental Beauty

Cantik kan? Chinese descendent tapi entah macam mana muka kadang2 macam matsaleh dah aku tgok

Aku ni pompuan straight pon suka tengok pompuan lawa. Laki tak tau ah. Apatah lagi les. LOLS

At first I thought it was natural beauty until I saw this


Alma Mater

Tomorrow Chinese New year holiday. I went to the lab at 9.30 am and was shocked to see nobody has yet arrived. It was tres awkward since I am the one who always come late to the lab. Because tomorrow is off day for everyone,  people mostly went home already. But since I live a stone throw from umt, I can't take a day off lah today I must come no matter what. That's the perks of living nearby.

After about 10 minutes playing with the laptop,  Sheroro appeared with slightly widened eyes. I grinned and said

"Sedih kan takde orang dah rini huhu,"

She just grinned. Sheroro is just like me, living in the same state as umt. The only difference is that she lives farther than me, in the outskirts of kuala terengganu town.... still that's become one of thw the perks of living nearby.

K enough rants for today. Adieu

Tuesday, February 17, 2015


Or better be muerta~

Today I kill a lot of people. Not literally killing people but you get the gist. You see, women tend to keep these hard feelings rather than exposing them. That's why it builds up inside this heart and eventually become thickened 'scales' which deposited inside the wall of the throbbing organ resting in our ribs.

I do that often. I often harbour those bad feelings and suppress my anger as much as I could so that my true feelings won't be too apparent nor discernible to people around me. If I were to act exactly like the way I feel,  I think I'd be killing for sure. It's quite refreshing to be able to burst all those feelings in those people's faces but I can't never bring myself to be so blatant and transparent. I do know that being honest really makes you a better person but when one is being honest he/she will risk losing so many things. Well no guts no glory. You'll have to sacrifice one thing to get other thing.

I know there are pros and cons of being open about having hard feelings and striving to seek ways to mend fences but I always prefer to mince words. Mincing words is hard. It's like you wanna pee but you supress the urge to pee and imagine how painful your lower abdomen is with the bulging gall bladder waiting to burst any minute. It's just like that. So excruciating.

And I often fail to be open about my feelings that I always go like

"oh gee it's okay I'm fine don't worry," Walking away while waving hands with the fake smile I wore on my face though  I was actually dying inside coz this feeling is consuming!!!

I can't bring myself to meet halfway with people I have arguments with coz usually it will be met by tears and emotional burst before things can finally be concluded. So it seems like it's easier to suppress those feelings rather than announcing them to people. So it seems.

ugh. it is ugly yeah I know coz it pains me a lot.
I really need to learn either not to be too sensitive orrr if I am to retain the oversensitive psycopath in me, I'm gonna need to find ways to be able to tell off about my feelings to others. Ehheheehehe *evil snickering*

Evil overlord in the making.

P/s: I can simply throw a benevolent smile to other people while in actuality I feel so mad inside so crazily I want to literally tear those people a new one.

don't make me sad, coz you'll be nagged, don't make me mad, or you'll regret.

Saturday, February 14, 2015


Yes. That is contorted. It means twisted away from regularities. Just like when you frown whenever there are things that baffles you or confuses you, your face become contorted----- Eyes becoming tad askew, mouth went slightly down to the left, cheeks became heavily dropped. Urghhh I am awful in describing things am I?

I love Sheldon Cooper. I do. Although he is a fictitious character in the beloved geek sitcom TBBT, he does make a good impression of a quality boyfriend material. He is loyal, he is smart, handsome, caring but a tad pedantic. He nitpicks everything around him. That's high maintenance yeah I know. But all his eccentric nature makes up who he is. I love hiM! kYaaa.  I even wrote a fan fiction about him duh!! Bitches be crazy. 

It's crazy how I picture him to be a husband material!!!!!!!! Duh stop living in fantasy please??????????!!

yeah i know i am now kind of contorted----- mentally!

Friday, February 13, 2015

Kapit Resut

I was talking with my sister on the phone when suddenly this pain started to radiate from the lower right abdomen. It was excruciating. Till I told my mom and dad. They said I should go to KTS for consultation. I was worried. I frowned in pain. I prod the painful area and slowly rubbed it, hoping the pain will fade away. Uh, it was unbearable. 

But after I perform Isyak, the pain seemed to be fading away. It was miraculous!!! Thanks Allah.

Thursday, February 12, 2015


Hidup mesti ceria kawan2. Biarlah orang nak kata apa. Mulut orang, hati orang, memang susah nak jaga. Mulut depa biaq depa la nk sembur apa pun. Hati depa biar Allah yang jaga. Kita mesti kuat selalu. Kita harus bersatu! Coz you know my friend, women should empower each other towards success in life. We are stronger when we pull the cord together. Togetherness brings blissful happiness. 

On a night when you couldn’t see the stars
You clutched your knees
And trembled alone, lonely night

At some point you lost sight of the
 future you dreamed of
And cried floods of tears
I want to protect you
In my arms, my love
I want to protect you
From sadness, forever

The person who means more 
to me than anyone in the world
That’s you

Everyone hurts someone
And gets hurt
As they grow up, lonely heart

If you can’t see tomorrow and you’re about to give up

I want you to turn around
I want to tell you
About this passionate love, my love
I want to gaze at you
By your side all the time, forever

Your eyes are clearer than anyone else’s in the world
I love you

The person who means more to me than anyone in the world

That’s you

(Chiba Mika, Shooting Star)

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

The tyranny era of the cold-blooded overlord

Sometimes those quiet people are the ones you should watch out for. Coz they are far way more hazardous than those perky and outspoken people. Unlike the latter, they tend to wrap those bad feelings and sugarcoat them and keep them far away into the locked candyroom. For some times you may feel at ease but the lock of the candy room can be easily breached when triggered by the same stimuli. And trust me,  when it happens,  you'll know how bad things are when you mess with a wolverine.

These reticent people, they hardly portray their true colours unless to those trusted enough. And you don't know what stirs inside that big head of them. You can't predict their actions. And mostly things seem to backfire at you whenever you had spat with these people and its scary to face that. 


Hope you don't coz I'm just rambling wahahahahhaha.

Famous cold blooded overlord (muahahaha)

Monday, February 09, 2015


Here I am, laying down in my bed, recalling all those memories of my bleak past. Thinking back all those black stains from my old days, I feel a bit shaken. I regret upon thinking about me wasting so much time moaning and wailing in my own cloud of despair and was being drifted into a turbulence of fear until I got violently drifted away from all my works. If I had calmed down a bit and take things done step by step without feeling stressed, maybe things would have moved a little bit faster now. I think, what I learned from the incident was that I was being consumed by FEAR. 

Yes. I was so afraid. I was so afraid that I decided to take things by a storm despite the fact that doing master in research means that you are having a marathon, not a sprint. You do not need to hurry. Instead, enjoy research and take things step by step. Due to the reckless act of facing things all in once head-on, I quickly became restless. All those works seemed to be overwhelming and at some point I got too tired to go on. I then came to a halt. A major halt which threw me into a majeure force when I finally didn't even show up in the lab (until my SV became so mad at me). And the condition worsened when nobody even seemed to care about my absence. That was, truthfully, one of the major reasons why I felt so caught up in endless fear about furthering my study. The thought of not having nakama or friends really gave me that big cut at the throat. I felt breathless. I cannot imagine a world without friends who could be with me thru thick and thin. Now that I think about it, the last reason was the root cause of my very problem. I was AFRAID of being alone (athazagoraphobia). Being helplessly suffocated by all those things, I decided to seclude myself, making myself scarcer than ever. 

The trepidation was a scary dish. I was being consumed by my own fear. Fear is so dangerous. It eats your good natures and attitude, making you worthless. It stops you from moving forward. It stops you from achieving success. It dragged you down and drowns you in the sea of confusion and delusions. I am now where I am, diligently doing my parts in order to continue paying my debt to my SV for taking me in even when I was being such a bad student. He is a good guy. I am not a good girl. I take things for granted. Hurmm...

Now things are much better and I thank Allah for making me stronger. He didn't make my life easier but He sure made me stronger.

After this, remember not to fear anything in life, except ALLAH.

Smile, and you will go farther.....

p/s: If I had used time wisely and spent them nicely, I would probably be done by now. But if ifs and buts were candies and nuts we'd all have Merry Christmas..... LOLS (sheldon cooper reference)

Sunday, February 08, 2015

Longlai langkahku

Saat kaki ini melangkah di lorong sepi kehidupan, bahu terasa sarat dengan beban dosa yang makin menebal. Langkah mulai longlai. Hari demi hari kucuba menempis godaan dosa namun apakan daya nafsu dalam diri masih gagah membara mengatasi api keazaman. Mana harus kubawa sekeping hati lemah yang disaluti iman senipis kulit bawang.
-author unknown

Assuage the guilt thru altruism

I wear black because I'm sad. 

Don't say smack things or I'll get mad. 

This is surely not a gag.

I'll never talk back and leave you just like that. 

But I'll never get your back. 

Just be glad I don't prod your sack.

Friday, February 06, 2015

Count Your Blessings, While You Still Can...

Sokmo je kalau Allah bagi menda molek ke aku, aku balas dengan perbuatan dosa. Aku malu. Dalam pada aku menerima rahmat dari Allah pun aku masih boleh berkelakuan sebegitu. Hinanya.


Allah give you everything you need but how you repay him?

You got family

Sisters selamanya!

Duduk dekat ngan universiti

Interesting research

Doable research. Walaupun at times for sure stumbled upon blockade and obstacles

Terokaan seluas lautan

Lovable friends


Seme chemicals Dr beli. Kami terima dan buat je labwork. Tinggal Dr je mintak final result... Tak bersyukur lagi??? 

Siap ada Dr tolong view cell yang kalu kami lah yang view memang akan berpinar silap2 boleh juling mata hahahahha~

Lovely siblings

Sahabats. Walaupun agak kerap gaduh ngan budak sorang tuh hahahhaa. Sayang ketat2. 

Siap ada uniform lagi youuu tak tebukti lagi ke keakraban kami? HAHAHAHA

Ada kawan macam si Sher ni pon bleh tahan buat aku gelak sorang2. Aksinya unik sikit hahaha.

Adik galok


Sofi Jikan??? Wahahahah

Seriously missing LANGKAWI with these fellas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mellow melodies

where you can reach me.

where you can reach me.