Monday, June 29, 2015

Erudites of Urban Detritus (2)

Tora datang lagi!

Not knowing that one has to register at the counter to use computer here, I called eternal dibs on PC 10. Hence once i reached the library, I directly sat on the cubicle just like I did yesterday. after went surfing idly, suddenly a boy came by and showed me a card with P10 written on it. And he was waiting for me to move. err. i hastily close down all the tabs and packed my things to move away. duh!!

Erudite of Urban Detritus

Are you Abnegation, Erudite, Or Dauntless? Or perhaps factionless? Yesterday I had become an Erudite by going to the library to use the PC there since my laptop has been malfunctioning since God knows when. Duh!

I was sure that there is a space for students to use PC but since I don't spend much time in the library, I ended up asking the receptionist who gave me a weird look when I asked,

"Erm, excuse me. Is there a place where I can use a computer?"

"Over there,"

She said while pointing to the area far behind me. The look on her face was like saying "you never come to library before? how come you not know the PC room?".  Erm, something like that.

It was not exactly a room, per se, but there are desks and chairs and of course desktops in an open air area. It was cosy though; with all the humid cold atmosphere and several other Erudites minding their own business not even bother to greet me HELO or what. Of course there is no such thing - it's a library for crying out loud!  Silence is self explanatory.

I found the place so calming that I get to focus writing my thesis. Yeah I know where my hideout after this. Hohoho.


detritus - remnants/residue/debris/wreckage/ashes

Erudites- people who acquire knowledge through studying

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Live up to your own expectations

I used to be labelled as a pokok lalang; always easy to change my decision. I had no strong principles causing me to follow the flow and deviate from being who l really am and who I am supposed to be, and most importantly, who I really really really wanna be. 

Just remember, one silly decision can change your life FOREVER.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Twisted soul is meant to be buried

I remember how my youngest brother complaining that some people in his class giving him all the hard stares and glares which made him  shivering his own spine. It's like he was some kind of freak with long nose and weird curly hair wearing the steel rod on the shoulder (am I describing a Hobo? Or Sogeking?). He then feels so low self esteem and detested. I then said to him, in this world, not everyone will like us. Some may even despise us with no particular reason. That's life. And that's how I experienced before when I was being isolated from the bigger microcosm of high school society.

Not having the ability to conform to peer pressure really gave me harsh times of life. Well, we are all made different from another and in fact, that is where the phrase 'peer pressure' even stems from. Things which set us apart from a bigger set of society really challenge us physically and mentally hence pushing us towards the fence so we could get into the same side
of the field. And i was always being thrust into the edgier edge for not having what others have, making me feel so down and isolated.

Nevertheless I must not say my adolescence was all that bad. I did have friends who understood me more than my own parents. Huhu.


Twisted as I may be, I am actually happier. I am satisfied--- content. People who are not crazy is not living a full life. Some times you need to be crazy for amazing things to happen in life.  Crazy works;  believe me.

And I must say that if I'm not crazy,  I'll be feeling sad all day long, moping and wailing on trivial stuffs in life, excessively regretting things i should have gotten. Picturing how my fate had harshly brought me to. Imagining what will happen had i not taken the taken road. Drawing my own sceneries of life into a piece of humongous canvas should i take the road not taken. But when i get crazy, I perceive life as a bigger entity coz deep down inside I know world don't revolve around me. And I surely am not the centre of the universe.

I'll start accepting what's been destined for me and trying to comprehend things no matter how vociferous the radical thought may be. Yes, life holds greater mystery for all of us. Therefore we must be strong. Have a strong will to live the life to the fullest. Try to avoid those bad thoughts and ditch unimportant,  puny interferences so that you stay focused on your aim and life objectives.

If you ask me is there anything that made me regretting doing, of course I'd say yes. But life must go on. You can't undo the done things. Alas I hope I have not bad memories at all but trust me, your childhood memory won't be even half as bad as my childhood memories. Life was harsh. I cannot say my life was exactly bed of roses. If anything,  it was bed of thorns and spikes.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Daging Masak Hitam Al-Legam


gambar hiasan (google)

Having received such flattering words from my father and mother for my simple dish really gets my nose flared out of utterly exaggerated happiness. Hahaha. Padahal makanan simple je --- daging masak kicap!

Nah, penangannya sampai ayah dan ibu menambah nasi! Biasanya tak ade nya nak menambah2 nasik tapi kali ni lain. Alhamdulillah. Syukur nikmat. Mungkin sbb semalam dah silap masak terlebih garam so hari ni terpaksalah jadi super careful masa taruk garam sbb taknak jadi tragedi gudang garam pecah atau lori bawak garam terbalik. Huhu.

Ini dia resepi daging masak lada hitam super legam (dah macam Ketuk-Ketuk Kepala kau eh, Ketuk-ketuk Ramadhan lah!):

1 mangkuk daging hiris ikut suka 
(direbus sampai empuk gitew dan air rebusan jangan dibuang okay!!!!!)
Bawang putih (4 cloves)
Bawang merah (3 cloves)
Serbuk bawang putih (beli kat Sabasun)
3 sudu besar serbuk lada hitam Sarawak mariiii
Setengah kiub stok ayam Adabi
4 sudu besar kicap manis
3 sudu besar sos lada hitam
1/2 sudu teh tepung jagung (pemekat kuah)
Hirisan lada besar dan bawang Holland
1/2 tomato rangup (muda)

Okay dengan bismillah, tumiskan hirisan bawang putih dan bawang merah sampai separa garing. Then masukkan serbuk lada hitam atau black pepper disertai kiub adabi. Kalau xnak letak stok kiub pon xpe. Ai tak pakse you. And kalau rasa nak pedas silalah tambah amount lade hitam itu. Agak2 da garing tumisan keperangan, masukkan serbuk bawang putih dalam 2 sudu. Serbuk bawang putih kene letak lewat skit sbb dia cepat garing. Da nama pon serbuk. Biar garing skit. Bau dia semerbak aihhhh. Sampai adik aku yg laki tu tetibe menempwl kat sebelah sambil berkata, "Waw, smells delicious! ".


Selepas itu, masukkan daging yg ditoskan. Ingat! Air rebusan daging jangan buang dulu. Air itulah secret recipe masakan ni. Letak tepi air rebusan. Masukkan daging tu dulu.

Biarkan mereneh. Dalam setengah minit lepas tu, masukkan kicap manis diikuti sos lada hitam. Biar dia bergaul sebati. Kecikkan api. Kemudian masukkan air rebusan daging. Agak2 lah biar kena dengan selera. Kalau kau tu jenis makan nasi banjir, letak banyak skit air rebusan daging. Kalau jenis macam aku nie ha makan xbanyak kuah, sikit je lah letak air rebusan daging itu. Tapi dek kerana ayah dan adik jenis sukaaaaa makan nasik kuah banyak, kene lah letak banyak air daging, biar extra berkuah. Nahh gitu kekdohnya.

Okay ye lepas letak air tu, renehkan. Lepas da 2 minutes,  masukkan hirisan tomato. Kemudian, letak hirisan bawang Holland dan jugak lada besaq. Sebelum tutup api, tabur garam ikut suka mung. Nak darah tinggi letak la dalam 2 sudu besar. Nak jaga kesihatan, letak setengah sudu teh sudahhhh. Bulan poser ni jaga skit blood pressure hokay???

Bila da layu tomato,  tutup api. Apo lagi? Hidang sajo ateh mejo. Voila, Siapppp! Makanlah lauk ini dengan nasik puteh, gerenti kecur air liur..... peace yow.

Salam Ramadhan yuollsss...


1) air rebusan tu wajib letak baru sedap. kalau tak letak memang kurang oomph.

2) jaga api. jangan kuat sangat. hangit la weyh.

3) garam kena letak lassst skali. baru ada khasiat. silap orang kita masak sebab letak garam awal2.  garam kan potassium chloride @ sodium chloride. jadi zat potassium/sodium akan mati sebab over heated if letak garam awal2. tinggal chloride ion je. tu yg jadi racun.

4) tumis kena betul2 holiaww ehh dok dok. tumis kene betul2 garing baru sedap ye.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Of Kucing and Selipar

Laptop ai rosak. Pegi lah PTm kat library uMt sebab rasa senak dada laptop rosak. Berkecamuk pikiran. Segala mak nenek ade dlm laptop tu. Thesis results data etc. Arghhh!!

Bimbang hati toksah cite. Kalu rosak skrin tahan lagi. Tapi rosakk motherboard jawabnya bai2 lah. Aduhhh. Mass sampai kat PTM tu mujur tak gugur jantung. Abang tu cakap rosak skrin. Alhamdulillah. Sengih sampai telinga. Balik plak dlm kepala pikir mana aku letak resit beli laptop sebab masih dlm warranty (sangkaan aku). Sambil drive ni duk pikir.

Sampai umah, nampak kucing masa nak park. Aku pun park la rapat ke kanan dinding skit. Kereta pon tak leh buka pintu penuh sebab dah nak kene dinding. Lepas turun keta baru pasan tayar depan pijak slipar. Dgn bodohnya aku buka pintu exora lalu turunkan handbrake and shift gear ke R (reverse) lalu mengundurlah kereta gabak tu dalam keadaan badan aku separuh kat luar kereta. Laju pulak tu!!! Ada la dalam 10 km/jam.  Aku panik. Dalam panik aku cuba imbangkan badan aku nie yang bergerak sekali kereta. Mujur x rebah. Sambil melihat pintu makin rapat ke dinding,  tiba2 bunyi kriuk menandakan pintu da cecah tiang simen. Aku dengan kalut terus tarik handbrake. Tadi tak tarik sebab panik. Mujur Allah sayang. Tak tersepit celah pintu  dan jatuh terperosok bwah kereta. Alhamdulillah. Aku menangis. Sebab pintu kemek. Sebab laptop rosak. Ya Allah.  Banyak dugaan. Sebab kucing dan selipar kereta kemek. Ku nangis. Ayah aku call aku xleh cakap. Berabok air mata. Mungkin Allah nak hapus dosa yg banyak. Terima kasih Allah. 

Sabarkan aku ya Allah.

Berita baik Satu tu menambahkan sedih sebab kene ade laptop baru leh edit paper yg ICPE 06 suh publish. Huwaaaaaa. Huwaaaaa.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Self conscious

Yes I know I need to stop eating but I just can't. People have been knowing me as a food lover and I eat a lot, hence the body weight. I always enjoy good food and always seek to improve my way of cooking so that food shall taste even better. That's maybe a reasonable excuse as to why most people who cooks are a bit chubby. They know what's good and what's not good to eat. Heavens they know ways of making food tastes excellent.

The main reason why I should put more care on food selection is that my stomach is too sensitive. It's frightening.

Monday, June 22, 2015

McBoulette Laparotomy: the girl who eats too much

Hm. Good attempt of concealing that fatty arm by wearing black blouse. Good one.


I have an issue here - a sensitive stomach. Every time I eat too much food, I'll get headache. My tummy start growling and I feel lethargic. Sometime, I can feel this pinch in my abdomens, especially my left intestines. Because of this tummy as well, I am getting so fat. Just imagine my weight was about 69 kg alone last 2 months but now it has elevated to 70 kg!! I had major problem of getting clothing of my size as it is. Just imagine what'll happen if I am going to go for 75 kg????? Argh this is depressing!

I must say that I do have the very intention to drop several kilos. I think what would be best is to have body mass of 60 kg then only I'll have stable BMI. At the moment I am of 70 kg with BMI of 24.2. Although it seems like I have normal weight, I cannot sit still and idle because the weight will always rise if I don't find ways to cure this stomach issue. I am scared. 

Ye ke normal weight? Rasa berkepal macam asam gumpal dah nie. Ugh~

p/s: boulette means bulat. laparatomy is the incision of stomach which I really hope to do coz I want to clean my stomach, dirty stomach with all the mucoid. 

Friday, June 19, 2015

Ramadhan nan indah

Could this Ramadhan be our last?


Bergetar jantungku saat terbaca mesej dalam WhatsApp. Tiba-tiba terasa berdebar saat memikirkan kemungkinan tahun ini adalah Ramadhan terakhir kita. Marilah kita sama2 mengejar pahala dan amalan baik lagi solehah. Pasanglah niat untuk capai malam "seribu malam". 

Friday, June 12, 2015

cinta pada huruf. cinta pada ilmu.

gambar hiasan

teringat kata-kata seorang kawan. dalam hidup nie, tidak semua yang kita nak, kita akan dapat. sebabnya? Allah nak uji. aku sangat lah setuju sebab dah banyak kali aku alami menda tu. banyak menda yang aku sangat-sangat harap Allah bagi, at the end memang tak dapat. Allah tak kasi. Nak marah sapa? Allah? Kau jangan. Allah maha mengetahui. Sabar dan redha - itu apa yang kita patut buat. 

macam aku nie. jenis suka bahasa inggeris. suka sangat. Aku dulu boleh dikatakan very diligent. seme buku BI yang mak aku beli, aku baca dengan tekun dan tenang (kira mak aku lah yang menyokong minat aku kat BI). aku belek kamus dan cari makna perkataan baru yang aku tak paham. siap ada buku nota kecik untuk catat perkataan baru pastu gigih hafal sebab nak kasi ingat. truthfully, it wasn't easy but all the efforts and hard works i made really benefit me till today. sukanya pada bahasa inggeris sampai jadikan kamus tu kawan baik aku. selalu belek macam buku novel. kalau orang lain siap ketawa lagi. ada ke baca kamus? "hebat" sangat lahhh *sarcastic*. ahhhh, aku persetankan. walau orang cakap "eleh apa hebat sangat bahasa penjajah. pigidah!" ye aku tak nafikan memang ni bahasa penjajah. tapi kau harus ingat, banyak buku-buku pelbagai bidang kat luar sana dalam bahasa inggeris sebab mereka yang monopoli dunia skang. so nak tak nak, kau kena belajar bahasa nie. dan alhamdulillah, aku memang mudah paham sebab aku MINAT. ye, capslock di situ. so kesimpulannya, kena minat baru mende tu jadi senang. 

maka atas dasar itulah aku memasang niat untuk menjadi seorang guru bahasa inggeris menginjak usia dewasa. namun apakan daya, takdir Allah mengubah segala. dek kerana terpengaruh dengan suara-suara orang di sekeliling dan juga kerana result SPM ku ohsem, maka aku tersilap amik bidang. "apa lah kau nie, result banyak A tapi nak amik TESL. rugi tau tak, RUGI!" dan juga "eh result cantik ni bleh amik medik nie. nanti bleh jadi doktor, bangga mak ayah kau," macam tu lah lebih kurang. aku yang ketika itu berdarah muda dan masih tidak matang telah membuat keputusan yang agak terburu-buru. aku sepatutnya ambil bidang yang aku minat. aku tak sepatutnya terpengaruh dengan kawan-kawan aku. walaupun kebanyakan mereka mengambil bidang kritikal seperti medik dan engineering. nah, sekarang menyesal. 

tapi sepatutnya kita jangan menyesal. kita teruskan hidup, mesti ada sebab Allah campakkan aku ke dalam bidang yang aku tak pernah terpikir pun akan ambil. sedih tau. even masa nak amik Master Bahasa Inggeris lepas aku grad degree KIMIA INDUSTRI dari USIM, mak ayah aku lah yang paling tak setuju. terus bergegar jiwa aku bak dipanah halilintar (ceh drama sangaattt efeknya). walaupun aku result okay untuk degree dulu (3.57), aku tetap nak alih ke bidang bahasa. muka mak ayah aku tu toksah cite lah dia punya frowning tu, macam nak makan aku. macam aku ni anak yang paling tak berguna. anak kutip pun tak sehina nie. ahhh, aku membentak! i mustered and directed all the moxie towards accomplishing my ultimate dream of life. aku punya ketegaq tu siap download borang, isi permohonan master UIA sendiri and sampai sanggup gi tanya pendapat lecturer BI aku masa USIM dulu. namun apakan daya, lecturer aku berfikiran sama macam mak ayah aku! nape nak amik master bahasa if degree kimia? bukan ke tak related ke tu? aku pun arghhhhh!!!! seksa jiwa raga. memang aku stress tahap menangis syahdu drama korea. kalau tak kerana aku ni Islam, da lama aku off diri sendiri. nauzubilah. sebab aku takut akhirat dan aku takut neraka sebab tu aku redah je mende nie. kawan aku pun cakap mende yang sama. redah je lah.... redha jelah. sebab redha Allah tu kan terletak kat redha mak ayah. sacred nya mak ayah. hmm.

maka begitulah aku. sekarang masih berjuang sampailah ke SEMESTER 4. tengah writing thesis. paper pun tak siap lagi. aku kena kasi gempak paper aku. baru leh publish ke jurnal yang Q1 tak pun Q2. aku kene kental! ye! mungkin jika Allah letak aku dalam bidang lain, hidup aku tak mencabar. aku mungkin akan jadi complacent sebab duduk dalam keadaan stagnant. dan mungkin juga aku akan bangga dengan apa yang aku ada. vainglorious orang kata. tapi aku yakin Allah dah bagi takdir terbaik untukku. walaupun aku tak duduk dalam bidang bahasa, aku still boleh salurkan minat aku dalam bidang aku sekarang nie. aku dapat cari ruang dalam bidang penulisan paper!!!! aku suka penulisan especially penulisan bebas macam cerita dongeng etc. kalu bidang penulisan paper ni dia akademik so perkataan tak bleh kebabom. kalu kebabom pun mesti tak bleh melangkaui skop akademik iaitu serius dan straight to the point. still, i love writing. it's the same thing that i told my friend, you need to like it before you can excel in it. 

Tuesday, June 09, 2015


Terkejut tadi masa ukur balik ketinggian. Tinggi aku bertambah 2 cm! Dulu 168 cm skang da 170 cm. Waaa da kenapa makin panjang? Betul dok ni? (Doubtful).

Where is Will?


Lately I have been punishing myself. I keep on blaming my weak inner will to change for a better person. It always get me thinking, why there is no way to erase all negative and bad things running in my mind? How bad would it be if there is CTRL+Z button in our life that we could undo all bad things we did all this while so that life won't be as traumatic as it's already and always been? How pernicious would life be if we have that DELETE button where we can erase all bad memories that engraved scars so bad we barely live happily without remembering those things?

I really wish I can throw myself into a well (read al-Kautsar) and have all my sins cleansed and I can start my life anew, having fresh and undoubted views on life. Oh alas boys, God don't do the life that way. Allah created rules for us to adhere to and no matter gruesome the rule may be, we need to accept because these punishments are reciprocal to all those bad deeds. And once a person accept the punishment he will be cleansed from the sin committed once and for all.

That's why in the time of the prophet the one muslim had admitted to committing adultery (with a woman) in front of Muhammad saw. Our beloved prophet thought that man was intoxicated because the punishment for those who commit adultery is severe. However, out of wanting to repent from such hideous act,  this man was ready to be sentenced with such punishment. Severe punishment is for severe deeds. So  don't label Islam as a barbaric teaching. There's no such punishment for those who don't commit anything wrong. Thats why I find the reluctance of the malaysian government to implement hudud baffling. Don't you argue a nose is for a nose and a tooth is for a tooth? Justice should be apprehended for those oppressed.

I really wish that I can see what my life would be like if I took the road not taken. If only my wish is doable.

Godspeed Belacak!

AHOY BELACAK people sekalian!!!

Ni delayed story masa pegi UNITEN hari tu. Punyalah lama kepam dalam postlists rini baru rasa nak post. Kalau lah post ni diumpakan seperti baju kotor yg kau lempar masuk bakul kain busuk tu lepas balik jogging, for sure baunya da seperti bau jeruk Pak Ali. Masam tak terkata. Kalau diumpamakan dengan rendang plak, mesti da basi tahap kalu termakan soheh cirit 24 jam straight tak berenti. Ngaahhaha analogi nak kena penampar kapit (teringat plak kisah cirit bulan poser last year sebab makan rendang basi).

Adik perempuan aku bleh masuk UNITEN dengan biasiswa JPA. Very the excellent one. Bangga aboh. Sejuk perut ma. Kembang hidung kakak abang dan adik. Cerdik adik perempuan ai if you wanna know lah. Dapat 3.89 cumulative point untuk asasi. Fuyooooohhhh! *angkat tangan tepuk2* Sangat hebat! She's gonna be a very good and talented engineer soon!

ahli tingkap belakang seat kereta. budak cheerleader family

Drebar #1

Kanan skali tu drebar #2

hujung tahun ni in sha Allah nikah

Err ni drebar #3. sebab tu tebeenggg bawak 3 jam dari temerloh ke dungun. hahahah. godspeed bebeh!!!! 120 km/hr aku bawak. gila biawak. kalau haiwan melintas soheh terkial-kial mengelak. choi. harap2 takdelah surat saman singgah umah. 

cantik sangat homestay nie. ala2 tradisional giteww i loike~

Second day dekat Bangi. Adik aku yang bongsu tu tetibe jadi fashion police, siap kutuk2 cakap baju aku simple sangat. hurmmm.... geram pulak kitew. kitew pakai elok2 dia kutuk2 baju kitewww *sobs* mujur ma back up cakap asal sopan sudah. kan?

budak ikan belacak sedih nak kena tinggal. dahla kene usik masa birthday hahahah

barang2 si ikan. tengok! tak salah dah aku gelar dia ikan belacak. keychain pun da jadi ikan. comel je. kaler ungu plak tu. thumbs up lah skit.

kucing di mana-mana. asal ada kucing je, mesti nak usap mesti nak belai. tak kiralah kucing tu ada kurap ke jerawat ke panau ke. dah namanya sayang kucing kan? jangan jilat kucing tu sudah..


Wednesday, June 03, 2015

lemak pegi main jauh

Saya rasa lemak makin berkepal di lengan. Sungguh tak selesa. Kalau dulunya (dua tahun lepas) berat badan 66 kg, sekarang dah naik 69 kg! Niat asal nak turunkan berat jadi 60 kg sudahnya jadi makin naik berat! ADUH!!!!

Tinggi aku 168 cm dan memang tak nampak gemuk sangat kalu skali tengok. Tapi tuan punya badan tahulah betapa banyaknye lemak yg ada. Peha bergesel, lengan bergumpal. Eeee tak selesa betullah! Macam mana saya nak kurus ni? Turun jadi 60 kg pun tak apa rasanya.

gambar dulu. masa ni mungkin 56 kg je 

aku yang dulu bukanlah yang sekarang. dulu ku kurus sekarang ku dah tembammm!

Sekarang!!! 69 kilogram!! Arghhh strezsssss!!

masa ni jelas perut memboyot adoyaiii.... kene kuruskan badan nie. 
seriusss kena diet atkins!

mellow melodies

where you can reach me.

where you can reach me.