Saturday, August 29, 2015

Grotesque

Gruesome.
Grotesque.
Horrid.
Hideous.




I watched such a horrendous video yesterday. It was about a girl corpse being slaughtered and organs harvested to be sold!!!!! It was macabre. It was grotesque. I was overwhelmed with disbelief and terror. I was shaken all over. To be able to see such cruelty and brutality gave me deleterious after effects. I saw a dead girl being laid down on the steel bed - naked. Her body was elevated by something put behind her back. Her arms and lower legs were burnt, as if she was tormented physically before her death. I guess there could be other forms of mental torture as well judging from 
her physical traumas.


An indian man with a meat knife hold the body and started carving the body,  taking out the vital organs to be sold to the black market. It makes me teary to think of the girl's soul feeling such a pain in the hands of the hideous and cruel man of crime. Not to mention the sad gloomy faces of the mourning bereaved family members. I bet everyday her family is distraught and were in despair thinking of how was their daughter being held captive by kidnappers and whether their daughter was still alive or dead or even worse being sold to pimps to live the lives of whores. It's too horrible.


Just imagine what would you feel if this incident happened to your own family???!!! Imagine you get abducted on the way back home from evening stroll when suddenly a white van snatched you into the backseat with chloroform-soaked cloth on your face that you were knocked down unconscious and when you come to your senses you were tied up on the dark room in the middle of nowhere,  just waiting to be tortured mercilessly in all possible excruciating ways and to be slaughtered by those heartless inhumane beings!!!!!  These horrid life episode just for extracting your precious organs!!!!!! Ya rabb. I don't think I can forgive these people. They should be put to DEATH and no amnesty should be blessed upon them.


I just don't understand how can the man heartlessly record the whole scene of grotesque and obscenity. And I don't think this being is human. They are barely humans. They should be called beasts - animals!!!! Even animals don't do these to their own species. Though I can never erase or undo the things I saw in my memory boxes, the things that I see made me realise that life is not safe - like at all. It's so sad. What makes me sadder is that amidst these blooming occurrence of abductions all over the country called Malaysia, police in its statement denies the allegations regarding the children abductions for organs harvesting. It was too sad and too much for me- for all my fellow caring Malaysians. We care for safety of our country but we had to put our fate in the hands of treacherous wolves wearing shepherd's mask.



My heart goes out to the notion of PEACE. It's no longer here. Peace is dead.






Thursday, August 27, 2015

Oremonogatari



Hidup ni bukan percuma jannah. Kau harus berjuang demi menegakkan mimpi menjadi reality. Jangan harapkan pujian palsu. Baik kau tahan telinga kau menerima kritikan yg jujur daripada mendengar kata bicara manis yg pastinya akan backfire suatu hari nanti. Kritikan kutukan dan komen,  itu perkara biase dalam hidup. Nak tak nak, kau kene hadapi jugak.
Walaupun kadang2 kau bersusah payah usahakan sesuatu. Kau rasa kau da nampak hasil. Tapi mulut2 org di sekeliling masih berbunyi. Masih mengkritik. Tidak kira betapa penat dan betapa susah kau kerjakan bende tu. Manusia tetap mengata. Tetap menghina. Apa yg mereka nak sebenarnya? Kau sendiri masih tertanya-tanya.
Lantas kau pun tersedar. Kau selama ni mengharapkan appreciation org. Mengharapkan puji org. Sedangkan kau tahu jauh di sanubari manusia takkan pernah hadir puas. Takkan pernah merasa cukup. Selalu mahu lebih. Mereka lebih hiraukan selera mereka tanpa memikirkan penat kita. Tanpa mengira lelah kita. Ade apa lagi yang kau mahu harap daripada mereka.
Betul lah apa org kata. Janganlah dikejar puji org. Kejarlah Allah. Nak puaskan hati manusia ni payah. Nak dapatkan redha manusia ni susah. Tanya diri sendiri. Kau tahu maksud aku. Sedangkan utk kejar redha Allah itu mudah. Berdoa beribadah dan ikhlas melakukan amal di jalan-Nya. In sha Allah berjaya.
Aku agak terasa. Apa yg aku buat langsung tak timbul. Sebaliknya mende yg aku x buat pula dibangkitkan. Adilkah jika dalam satu team aku seorang sahaja diharapkan utk melangsaikan beban tugas? Sedangkan ramai lagi ahli lain yg sepatutnya bertanggungjawab pada waktu yg sama. Kenapa hanya aku disalahkan. Kenapa ahli lain seakan kebal dari tuduhan. Aku menggumam. Rasa dilayan dgn tidak adil. This is not fair! Ade juga perkara yg aku usahakan tidak dihargai. Terasa perit hati ini. Sebab aku berusaha sungguh2 buat mende tu tp org x pandang. Org anggap aku buat sambil lewa. Aku sedih.
Selalu saja perasaan ini hadir. Selalu saje menjadikan aku perang dingin dengan seseorang. Aku sedih. Aku sedih kerana selalu disalahkan. Mungkin kerana hatiku kotor? Mungkinkah kerana jiwaku kosong? Dan mungkinkah ini tandanya Dia sedang memanggilku utk memuja-Nya? Wallahuallam. Berilah aku petunjuk.


Monday, August 24, 2015

propriety.

Hai.

Hari nie aku pergi Kedai Ubat Shisen Poh Ann kat bandar teganung yang. Bangunannya kuning terang. Sebelah pasar payang. Sebab nak cari ubat herba utk sakit bengkak leher ma aku yang tersayang. Wahaaha so funny they even rhyme!!!


Tupun tau kewujudan kedai tu sebab cari kat Google lerr.  Masa aku taip "ubat sakit leher" ngan "ubat bengkak leher" xde plak keluar suggestions kedai tu. Tapi once I typed "ubat bengkak keng" terus keluar suggestions kedai yg disebut di atas READ HERE. Urm. Kene type bahasa ganung jugoklah nampok gayanya. Alohaii. 


Masa masuk kedai, ade lelaki dewasa Cina tengah baca paper. Aku pun dgn langkah gagah berani terus approach si leng chai. Muka da ala2 retis KPop. Dengan berani aku pun mengayat,


"Hai leng chai. Lu manyak ensem lah. Macam itu lee minho lah. Jadi boyfriend ai la, mau ka?"




Lols. 




Mestilah tak. Kan? 



Aku cakap macam ni,


"Er hye. Emm boleh tak saya nak jumpa dokter...??"

With utterly awkward face. Meh!



Lalu si lengchai memanggil stafnya (malay) yg sedang makan di meja. Kawannya yg  duduk di sebelah berbaju kurung berambut percuma (freehair) lantas bangkit lalu menjemput kami tunggu di dalam. Tabib sulah pulang, jumpa sama itu MA pun boleh. Boleh ka? Boleh la amoiii. Kami pun mengikuti staf itu yg berbadan gempal dan comel. Staf tu x banyak senyum. Kurang mesra.


Dari kejauhan aku mendengar lengchai menjerit kepada stafnya dari kaunter  "buka kipas lah," untuk kami yg duduk di ruang menunggu. Memang bahang la jugak kedai. Courtesy si lengchai manyak bagus. Cuma stafnya kurang bagus. Haiyaaaa. Talak paham bahasa melayu itu punya staf melayu. Aku pulak yg pegi on switch kipas yg ade kat situ. Bau herba2 menusuk hidung. Semacam ade orang tengah brew ubat ubatan. Bau macam rebusan lada kering pun ade. Haha...


Dek kerana bosan, kutilik papan maklumat di ruang menunggu itu. Banyak keratan akhbar memaparkan testimony pelanggan yg berpuas hati - ade yang datang sebab buasir, mandul, goiter dan juga banyak lagi penyakit2 org kebanyakan. Hurmm. Impressive. Acupuncture pun hado kat sini.


Ade jugak satu artikel ni pasal longan cina utk tambah susu ibu. Hm. Teringat blog irinenadia pasal nak tambah susu. Memang bagus la ubat2 Cina ni. Hoo liowww lorh!!!


Dari jauh aku nampak seorang wanita cina yang sedang mengeringkan rambutnya. Rambutnya hitam kerinting. Paras bahu. Skirt senteng yg dipakainya bercorak bunga. Ade seekor anjing yg sedang lena tidur di ruang belakang.


Tak lama kemudian, wanita tersebut panggil kami masuk ke bilik rawatn. Lar, dia rupanya MA yg disebut tadi. Kami pun masuk ke bilik tabib. Kukira umurnya macam dalam lingkungan 40-an. Lantas dia memeriksa ibuku. Ditanya berapa umur ibuku, berapa orang anak dan medical history.
Ma tanya dia umur berapa. Dia cakap 56. Aku dan ma were like "what??? Mudanya!!!!".


Tiba tiba dia pandang aku lalu bertanya

"Ini anak you number berapa? "

Ma pun jawab

"Anak number dua,"

"Belajar lagi ka?"

"Ya. Belajar lagi."

"Umur brapa?"

"Dua puluh nam," jawabku.

Apa? Dua puluh nam? Ingatkan 16 tahun!!





Wahahhahahahahahaa. Aku tergolek2 kegembiraan. Tak cukup tanah aku golek. Dalam hati lah. Hahahahaa. Berbunga2 hati ni tau dok. Boleh pulak orang cakap umur 16 tahun. 10 tahun lagi muda dari umur asal kot. aahahahahhhhahahha~ *blushing*


Pandai la lu amoi. But seriously you made my day. Hahahah.



p/s: amoi itu pesan, mesti mau berak hari-hari baru sihat maa.. 

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Trellis



Aku tak setuju orang kata aku sombong masa aku awal-awal datang lab. Depa lah patutnya tegur aku. Aku kan orang baru. Takut nak massuk geng depa. Depa seme da rapat sebab dah lama berlab sekali so aku susah lah nak masuk ke dalam microcosm yang sedia kukuh. Ajak lah aku sekali masuk conversation. Tanya khabar aku ke. Tanya ade masalah ke. Aku kalau diajak berbual okay je. Aku kalau da bercakap kepochi mengalahkan anak mami jugak. Haaa. Ni tak. Biar je aku sorang2. Tak ade nak welcome aku ke dalam group. Adakah sebab aku sombong? Egois? Sebenarnya aku rasa rendah diri. Aku rasa siapalah aku dibanding dengan mereka yang hebat buat lab. Aku rasa aku ni rendah je hina jer. Huhuhu. Sedihnye. Sebab tu aku isolatekan diri. Aku tak pandai nak open up. Rasa macam bodoh jer. Susah gak jadi pendiam macam nie. Harap orang je tegur kita. Huhu. Aku jenis yang macam akan baik dengan certain orang je. Ha.... Tulah masalahnya. Bila aku sense depa ni bleh masuk je, aku otomatik akan jadi baik. Macam wani ngan bella. Kamcing sampai sekarang. Ha..... Kalu da jenis kita tegur pun buat tak hendah layan tak layan memanglah susah nak kamcing. Aku ni jenis win win. Kalu aku bagi, dia xbagi, maka tak jalan lah relationship itu. Tapi bila aku bagi dia pon bagi, nahhhh lancar hubungannya. Ada ngerti apa nggak sih? *sebel*




Aku sebenarnya memang boleh dicop agak sombong sebab aku ada masalah belajar aku maka aku banyak habiskan masa termenung dan buang masa lalu menyendiri je kerjanya. Huhu. Harap paham. And jangan cakap aku sombong. I don't like it!




So after this don't judge me if you do not know me. If you know me, you will definitely love me for who I am. I guarantee 100%!  In sha ALLAH.














Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Sentap ♥♡♥♡♥

Semalam hati remuk berkecamuk. Kalu hari sebelumnya Allah dah campakkan rasa takut yg tiba2 datang menerpa, Semalam hati dihunus tajammya pedang kata2. Berkali2 tusukan itu dirasa menembusi jantung dan perasaan berlubang penuh kecewa.

Itulah yg berlaku jika kita terlalu selesa di ruangan comfort zone. Sekali kene tegur terus tercampak dari kerusi empuk.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

A strong leap to the skies

Walawehhhh. Rasa awesome sangat hari ni sebab boleh jogging lama kat stadium. Kalu bukan kerana ramai mata yg memandang aku mungkin da pusing satu tasik kat stadium tu. Aku malu. Lagi2 kalu ramai orang kat tepi laluan jogging tu. So sebab malu nye pasal aku stop separuh jalan. Tapi still melebihi aku punye jarak jogging sebelum ni. Yahoooo. Adik aku kata maybe sebab rutin kerusi bayangan yg aku amalkan selama ni akhirnya berhasil menjadikan kaki aku strong. Yeahh. Sekarang ni aku nak maintain kerusi bayangan 2 minit straight. Dan kalu bleh nak panjaaaaangkan lagi tempoh kerusi byangan kepada 5 minit. Yiehhaaa. Aim tu tinggi. Kene usaha lagi. Chaiyokkkk!

Friday, August 14, 2015

Dear Soul



Dear soul. Please be hardworking. Please read more. If you read more you will know a lot of things. You will eventually be alert with your surrounding. If you read more you will be street wise. You need to be adept at understanding cues on people's face and body expressions/stature. Yes. I do feel that I am adept at reading people's face. Just like the one I experienced with Kak Ros before. I saw her stature to be so troubled which triggered me to pop up a question "Kak Roih ada masalah ke?"



And to my surprise, she did have a problem of which I couldn't really help much. I do hope that that short time she spent sharing her little problem with me really could soothe her troubled soul. I must learn more about psychology. I love understanding humans. Humans are lovely and yet mysterious beings we have to uncover. 

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Prior

"You really need to sort out your priorities, "

Jamie said to me. He looked into my eyes while stuffing that super hot noodles into his wide open mouth. The clump of noodle was so big some of the people gave us weird looks.  Even some of the hot gravy spilled over in front of my laptop. I pinched him so hard he almost fall off the chair.

"Oouch! Why did you do that?"

Jamie squeaked in pain. He rubbed his arm.

In remained silent. Got back to being pensive.

" I tell you what. You are not mad with your brother. You're mad with yourself,"

Jamie continues his ramblings. I just let him say whatever he wanted to say while letting him finish the hot bowl of noodles.

"No Jamie. I am mad at you,"

I replied.

"What? Erm one question. What do I have anything to do with your anger? I am pretty sure you are mad with yourself aight".

He smugged. He knew I was being sarcastic. Jamie reached out to hold my hand. I dodged.

"Yeah. I am pretty much sure you are the one I'm madly angry with right now. Yeah.... it IS you,  Jamie, "

Jamie choked his noodles. I laughed.

"Wha... what?? What did I do honey? "

He hurriedly wiped the noodles and pulled me away from the cafe. I was laughing so hard inside and trying to hold myself together.

.......









Poignant irony

I've realised that I've been living in a series of ironies.  My life is nothing but ironies. Now I am building a heaven for someone who made my hell and I'm also living the lives I'd never ever imagined of living. I had been hating things but in the end I was destined to be with those I hate.

But then again, who am I to say these are all cruel? Allah decided my fate to be this way so I must accept it. No matter how much I struggle. No matter how hard it seem.

I remember how I am not supposed to eat seafood because of sinusitis I am having but being a seafood lover I'd rather face the bad consequences of horrible allergy than thwarting myself from eating my favourite seafood. What an irony it was. Hurm.

I must say that things you hate the most are most probably gonna be things you are gonna get stuck with---forever!

Sunday, August 09, 2015

Kaput!

Photo booth nak tema apa ye? Reben kalerful urai-urai? Board putih penuh ngan bunga-bunga? Ataupun lantai penuh ngan rumput plastik? Lepas tu letak bola-bola rotan? Hm, tambah tanglung skit pun macam okay. Hm apa lagi ye? Belon letak dekat tiang setompok dua? Hm. Kepala pusing. Kepala pening. Paper tak siap lagi. Thesis tak siap lagi. Kau dah kenapa. Adoi. I am feeling so overwhelmed with a lot of things. Hm. So cramped in here (rubbing my brain). 


Saya in sha Allah akan grad tahun depan. Chayok!

Friday, August 07, 2015

Of the Impending Matrimony III: Budget


Nanti pelamin nak buat lebih kurang macam nie lah. Cuma kain puteh yang belakang tu untuk backdrop nak pilih kaler cream satin (8 meter x RM4 = RM32.00). Mesti lawa. Pastu nak tambah beads string yang kilat tu. Yang se meter tu harga dalam RM4 ke RM5. Biar dia terurai dalam 10 columns dangling ke bawah waaawww mesti cantik!!! (RM4 x 10 = RM40.00). Kain nipis (chiffon georgette) warna soft turquoise ngan soft purple dalam 4 meter (RM5 x 4 meter  = RM20). Bunga dua pasu maybe sewa (RM50 x 2 = RM100). Bunga decorate atas sekali (RM5 x 6 = RM30.00) campur bunga DIY kaler ungu plus turquoise dalam RM30. Karpet puteh maybe dalam RM150. So total cost untuk pelamin sahaja baru dalam RM410. wow!! tu tak tambah bantal kecik2 tu. ayokk. kalu sewa kerusi mahal lagi kot. huhu.




so roughly, untuk pelamin DIY a.k.a self decoration ====> plus minus RM500


Wednesday, August 05, 2015

Of the Impending Matrimony II: Photo Booth and Other Deco (DIY)

Ni jelah in sha Allah sumbangan yang aku bleh bagi untuk majlis kahwen abang aku nanti. Idea dan peluh ketiak masam. Hahahaha. Perah otak jom sampai berdarah buasir otak, perah idea untuk menghias banyak-banyak. Setakat ni aku dah usha macam-macam jenis design pelamin, photo booth, hiasan dulang hantaran, hiasan ruang makan beradab (blurghhh) tapi mujur je tak ade rasa nak muntah macam masa wak thesis. Hahaa. Rasa seronok tengok hiasan yang super kawaaaiiiiii dan boleh buat aku menangisss kegembiraan. Kau ni dah kenapa terlebih esaited??? Hahahahaa. Lolss. Banyak idea DIY yang cantik dan yang paling penting - JIMAT!!!!! Wahahhahahah! Idea jadi mencurah-curah ke ladang gandum bila stat usha mende2 comel macam nie. 



Idea photo booth


Comel nak nangis


Kalu wedding tema outdoor, memang lawa if buat ribbon frame macam nie. 
Melambai-lambai ribbon angin tiup.




Santek amatttt ya Ampun!




Minimalist. I loike. 




Hijau tema taman. 



Ayarkkkk rumput terbang??




SWEET~



Good idea. Simple for photo booth backdrop


Flowery decoration



Hiasan bunga crepe/tissue paper yang super murah dan super cantikkkk....



Seronok. But a bit tensed sebab thesis. Haha.


Disclaimer: All images are from Google

Monday, August 03, 2015

Semangat yang hilang

Entah kenapa asyik rasa down je. Rasa tak semangat nak baca paper dan update thesis. Makin aku baca, makin rasa benci. Makin rasa banyak yang aku tak tahu! Baca banyak-banyak tak masuk kepala jugak kalau rasa tak ikhlas tu menebal. Hurm. Dan yang paling penting, makin tipis confidence level bila compare results sendiri ngan orang lain. Sedih ah. Jadi mendownkan diri sendiri je. Dulu kemain semangat nak habiskan thesis. Sekarang macam nak muntah ngadap laptop nak habiskan tulis thesis. Serius aku yang dulu suka nullih pun sekarang baru paham menulis lagi energy-draining daripada membuat labwork. Labwork fun kot. You get to touch real things and see real things before your eyes. Tapi when it comes to writing, you are wrapping those tangible things into intangible form of words which are expected to stay forever in the form of manuscript and paper. Haa! One thing. Paper writing is hard! Ugh. Though I am soooo into writing, I often get writer's block when I write scientific papers. I used to be feverish when completing my paper. Huhu. But it was worth it. The trip to Sarawak was so valuable. Huhu.


Jannah! Semangat semangat! Cepat edit thesis elok-elok!!



Sunday, August 02, 2015

Ameliorate

"External ngan internal (viva) awak dah ada nie. Thesis awak mana ni takde lagi nie?"


Berderau pulak darah kita bila supervisor cakap macam tu. Aduilah *facepalm*



"Err, saya tengah edit lah nie Dr. Ada sikittt je lagi Dr. Huhu," muka cuak nak kena debik.


"Ingat awak dah edit minggu lepas. Awak buat apa ni Jannah?"


"Saya memang niat nak hantar yang dah edit akhir bulan Julai baru ni Dr, tapi..."





. . .




Serius seriau tahap cipan kene langgar lari. Hum. Tulah rajin sangat pi hantar PG16 awal2. Pastu malas nak edit thesis. Tupun mujur supervisor cancel suh pegi USM run release study. Ha, kan da selamat. Hahahahaha~




p/s: lepas ni nak kena improve thesis writing. Dr kata evaluators suka literature review panjang2. adomak.




mellow melodies

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