I've been thinking a lot lately. Had I 1 million dollars in my account, I'd settle all my study debt and give some to my parents while spending the rest of it to migrate. I've always considered living as a volunteer who'd travel all over the world to do charity, to help people from poverty and to help people ease their life.
But then again, how'd I ever obtain that 1 million dollars? It's almost impossible. It's more like a wishlist. Hahaha. What I can do right now is to further my PhD study and to muster all knowledge as much as my brain can bear in order to upgrade myself to be a better person. I must not overthink and I should not overload my brain to consider things too seriously that I could risk losing my mind. To become a lecturer is not like eating a cake. You need to struggle. You need to read and have broad kknowledge not only in Chemistry but also in other fields.
To me, chemistry is such an interesting subject/field of study, but it requires one to be methodical and meticulous in carrying out those labworks. Another thing that makes Chemistry fun and enjoyable is for one to be able to get access to all high-end instruments for one to freely carry out those tests and characterizations. What makes me feel so bad about labworks is that the attitude of people in the lab who'd rather blame you than educate you in doing what's right. Yes of course, everyone is bound to make mistakes once in a while but can't you just let it slide when other people make mistakes? Even you do mistakes in your life. Would you be happy if people won't forgive you after the mistake you do? I just cannot brain how people would just diss others just because of the mistake they do and didn't care to provide room of forgiveness to them. This is the attitude that can thwart good research culture. It's sad and downright cruel.
All in all, I must try to be mature and professional in my future study. When you grow older, you cannot expect to have other people to always be there to guide you to teach you and.to tell you what's wrong what's right. But then again, there are times when we cannot rely on our own and we are expected to ask those who knows when we come to stumbling block. All I can say, there is fine line between being independent and being humble and refer the experts. How confusing is that?