Sunday, October 30, 2016

why i stan these dorks

knowledgeable and genius members (look at the usage of scientific term on face mites) always get me shocked to see these smart mouths 

philosophical Namjoon (lol too philosophical that Jimin went rolling on the floor)

sensitive Jung Kook (he loves perfume just like me lols)

Image result

the troublemaker V who makes me laugh

Image result
the dissing

the hilarious derp faces

and then, there's Suga....

I personally don’t like being an adult. Being an adult comes at a price. You are now faced with a reality which kind of pressures you to chase after stability and security so they become your new dream. That’s why I don’t consider myself or rather don’t want to consider myself as an adult. Sure, my age will define as an adult but I want to be a teenage-adult who is still chasing after his dream. I wish you can be like that too. Stay innocent, be naive. But still dream big. Dream big to the point that it is beyond your ability and endeavour to achieve it. So dream big and don’t lose your innocence.」
—  SUGA (Min Yoongi, BTS)

We used to jump wanting to be heroes,
but now we’ve grown and time has passed.
I’m becoming and adult but I wanna rewind
to the times when the 10-year-old boy sang the 
theme song to his favorite superhero comic.
I wanna go back, so I close my eyes and scream
But nothing changes, reality it’s the same.

Yes, look down on me like that. It’s my hobby to prove you wrong

Suga - the true definition of SWAG (i always relate to you guys)

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

damage beyond repair.

 and some people just know nothing about the struggle - the pain of the remorse, the unending regret, the beguiling temptations. each of us has our own devil, the alter ego we must face and beat to the ground before it takes its turn knocking us down once we lost our guard. 

then again, who says we couldn't atone for the bad deeds we had done in the past. it's a fact that He is forgiving, but the only problem is we fail to forgive ourselves and ended up delving into the same destructive pit again and again. please wake up, before the end of the day when you can no longer wake up from the nightmare of death.

"Once you commit a wrong thing, it could be considered a mistake, but the second time is called CHOICE." (Dean Winchester) 

so if you choose to keep making mistakes, then the blame is entirely on you... 

i used to think that i was myself damaged beyond repair. i kept being drifted in the world of temptations, kept making mistakes over and over again, thinking that it would be no use to go back to being a good unsullied person. when in actuality, i actually failed to forgive myself, to take another chance to move on from the past, and to be a better person in this life. how much i had wasted time on damaging myself. when allah had asked in Quran, why would you throw yourself into pit of destruction?

sometimes, we have to go with our own way of doing things even when others may disapprove and give judgmental remark on what we do. and even when the action is no way justifiable with any reason you can come up with, you just gotta go with the flow coz you know deep down inside, it's better for you. nope, it is the best. maybe for the time being, at least. it's your own way to solve your mental problem which was way more sickening than this cursed addiction and obsession, something worse and way despicable. only God knows. nobody else knows. 

it means like i tried to curb the other savage/filthy alter ego of mine by diverting my moxie towards something which could bring about less detrimental effects to me physically and mentally. i tried to suppress the unrelenting and unbridled will to do bad things using this and believe me, nobody would've expected that this (read: method) works miraculously. still, it's by no means a good solution nor is it a good and strong justification to vouch for what i do. i really appreciate friends and relatives who would throw in some advice regarding this but believe me, i try my best to get out. but it's not that simple. in fact, i am so much thankful for there are so many good people to come by and remind me of what to do and not to do. it's a blessing - to have good people advising you in life. what's matter here is how you would lower down the ego bar so that you can accept that piece of golden advice and make good out of it. and to my surprise, it's only a matter of time. in sha Allah, i will change for better future of my own life. it's just a matter of time.

Monday, October 24, 2016

the struggle is real

"Akak dah habis master. So sekarang ni akak buat ape?"

"Akak nak sambung PhD. In sha Allah by next year."

"Wow, kenapa sambung blajar sampai PhD? Memang betul-betul minat ke?"

(awkward silence)


Kalau cakap pasal minat, semua menda aku tak minat. Lols. Yg aku tau aku cuma minat nak lepak2 takyah pikir apa2 sambil minum kopi dan hirup udara tepi pantai for the rest of my life. but that's not exactly what humans were created for, aight?

Tapi in sha Allah, selagi aku boleh buat, aku akan buat.

jika kamu ragui kebolehanmu sendiri dalam melaksanakan sesuatu perkara,
yakinlah dengan kekuasaan dan pertolongan Allah swt untuk membantumu menghabisinya.

I hereby stand by these words. I know, I am not that capable, but Allah is definitely capable of helping me trudging through the sand of hardships and ocean of sweat and tears.....

way to go!



Sunday, October 16, 2016

Schedule: De-clutter your life

6.00 am : Invisible chair & light workout

7.00 am : Laundry

7.30 am : Breakfast

8.00 am : Sweep the floor

9.00 am : Read one paper on PhD project

10.00 am : Break (sit still, lay down, or surf the net)

10.30 am : Dhuha (or baca doa dhuha if menses)

11.00 am : Read English novels

12.00 noon : Prepare lunch

1.00 pm : Zuhur

1.30 pm : Luncheon

2.00 pm : Fold laundry

3.00 pm : BTS streaming

3.30 pm : Nap

4.30 pm : Asar

5.00 pm : Tea break

6.00 pm : Laundry

7.00 pm : Maghrib

8.00 pm : Isyak

9.00 pm : Post pasal Beauty Water in Instagram and Facebook

10.00 pm : BTS

11.00 pm : Sleep

Saturday, October 15, 2016


Semalam wak rawatan diy masker guna cinnamon & honey. Tanpa disedari ade jugak nak join kita buat facial. Hehe. Ralit kan kalu tgok semut. Sekali pandang macam lukisan pun ado bila geng2 semut buat formasi macam tu. 

Step rawatan masker honeycinnamon:

1) basuh muka. Saya spray beauty water ph 11.5 pahtu cuci guna pencuci muka. 

2) Kemudian spray beauty water pH 2.5 as toner.

3) apply masker (1 sudu madu + 1 sudu cinnamon powder) evenly atas kulit muka. Biar setengah jam. Tunggu kering.

4) bilas dengan air sejuk.

5) spray muka dengan beauty water ph 6.0. 

Lepas je siap rutin ni, segar gile muka. 

♡♡♡ Buat la masker diy ni 2 kali seminggu utk elak jerawat. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Beauty Water

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Fangirling at its best.

Let's fly with BTS Wings!!!

Fans of this Brobdingnagian fandom have been anticipating the new album WINGS. Like before, each of the group album was always better than the last. They put their heart and soul (and possibly shed all their blood, sweat and tears along the way) to muster the best melody and lyrics together for the fans worldwide. The latest album is, as expected, indeed better than its predecessor in all aspects there are - the theme, story line, choreography and outfit. First, several months before, we were served with the teasers depicting those catchy tunes of several solo songs of the members (V, Jimin, Jungkook, Rapmonster, Jhope, Jin, Suga err did I just name all??) until the big bloooodyyy bomb was finally dropped 3 days ago (October 10) with the album single Blood Sweat and Tears (I don't know why the frigging heck BigHit didn't make it to be Blood Tears and Sweat so that it would simply be abbreviated as BTS but later I figured out the lyrics would seem weird if it has nae pi nunmul tta instead of nae pi tta nunmul and harder to find rhyming phrase to that lols). Are you a Korean producer now? Pretty frigging far away from even being a decent Korean. I am not even a real ARMY lols~ 

I know KPop is so dangerous that once you get sucked in you can't escape. Just like how a fly got trapped in a spider web. But it's a guilty pleasure. So you end up giving in. 

live MCountdown for 21st Century Girl by BTS, my favorite boys. honestly, all of them gave me the chills down my spines (especially V) that I was even thrown out of my bed lols!!!!!!!!

It was shocking to have over 4 million views for BST just within 24 hours!!!! Shut your painted hole!!!! And as of now, I was given to understand that the view for the single Blood Sweat and Tears was over 15 millions after 3 days of the release. BTS jjjangggg!!!! Daebakkkk!!!! So indescribable. BTS WINGS is indeed flying and soaring reaching for the skies!!! I thought it was not a big deal until I saw how old Kpop MVs only gather that much amount of view within 3 to four years!!! But BTS??? Phew, it took only 3 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just can't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dead*

And after I came back to live, I was killed once again with the live performance of 21st Century Girl. Oh God. Even before the release of their live, I was already HOOKED with the song! It was so catchy. And when I scrolled down my IG today and saw the snippet of V performing the song, I quickly opened YouTube to find myself screaming over the sight of the septet performing it live!!!!!!!!!!!!! I even knocked myself out of the bed lolssss... Too much to handle, huh? 

Jimin and Jhope seemed to be in the spotlight in this single. 

Having read Demian by Herman Hesse got me feeling a bit uneasy but since it had so much to do with the album I decided to finish reading it anyway. And I must say it is indeed prudent to have parental guidance for ARMYs who are underage since the lyrics seem to be be laden with adult fetishes (sexual content). I guessed BigHit is pushing the boundary for BTS so that they could hit global market and set a higher benchmark for Kpop standard for 2016. Indeed they did well at that. Just see how many Korean and international records they already made. 

Of all the songs, I like 21st Century Girl the most!!! Then I must say I am a bit disappointed by Cypher part 4. I loved Cypher part 3 the most and I was expecting part 4 would be awesomerrrrrr in some other level but to me, ughhh. Sorry to say... and there was issue regarding plagiarism..... hmmmm don't know what to say about that. Could there possibly be any attempt of sabotage? Who knows? Go interrogate the producer. 

Other songs like Lie, Begin, STIGMA and Reflection are also good.

That's all my review for BTS WINGS. 

Mic drop!!!

Blood Sweat and Tears

Yeay done COD #beautywater dekat UMT tadi. Terima kasih la Rumaizah Che Zulkifli sudi membeli dan membelah dengan saya. Selamat memspray la ye. Hikhik.

Sempat jugak lah tadi discuss pasal hala tuju pelajar master dan PhD dengan dasar rasionalisasi biasiswa yg membimbangkan. Huhu. Takpe, orang yg berjihad di jalan Allah pasti dipermudahkan. Yeah..... biiznillah redahhhh saje...

No matter who YOU are, where YOU from, what YOU did, as long as you love me eh eh. Bukan, no... No matter who YOU are, where YOU are from, stay humble and stay kind. Tak kira la student ke staff ke businessmen ke pengkaji ke pengkorek ke, kita ade responsibility masing2. Stick to whatever we have, do our own job and get the tasks we are assigned with well done!

Be grateful and never take things for granted

Smile!!!! Barakallah....

Amboi berjela membebel. Dahla pakai tudung bibik je pegi hantar barang. Lols... tak presentable langsung.

Okaylah nak sambung makan bubur zinger kFc.


Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Flying With Wings

Finally BTS once again rocked the YouTube with the Blood Sweat Tears for their October comeback! It's been said that the views for the mv was whopping at 4 million views in less than 24 hours, breaking the previous record by EXO Monster. Wow, just amazing! And as the article is being written, the view is over 14 million already!!!! Only within 2 days. Whatdefishhh BTS??!!

Image result for bts wings

Monday, October 10, 2016

Review Buku Gajah Yang Hilang



Last 2 weeks aku beli buku Haruki Murakami kat Chowrasta Penang. Saje nak tambah koleksi. The Elephant Vanishes ngan Undergound. Underground tak baca lagi. Yg gajah hilang tu aku da baca. Komen aku? Honestly?

Tak best. 

Hahahha. Sebab dia himpunan cite pendek yg tak ada kaitan pun antara satu sama lain. Er wait. Ada la kaitan sikit. An iota of connection. Lols. Chapter 1 pasal pompuan tu hilang kucing, kucing dia nama Noboru Watanabe sempena nama adik dia sebab kucing tu perangai macam adik laki dia (lol). Pastu watak Noboru Watanabe diceritakan kembali sebagai suami kepada perempuan satu ni. Nama pun tak bagi, susah aku nak cerite. Grrr.

Abang ipar Watanabe ni tak berapa gemor ngan Watanabe. Konon protective kat adik. Padahal social life dia hancur. Lols. Banyak rosakkan pompuan. Hmm... Kemudian Watanabe ni muncul balik masa Chapter akhir di mana dia kerja as penjaga kandang gajah ketika umurnya 63 tahun. Tak de plak cite pasal isteri dia ke abang ipar dia. Yang peliknya gajah jagaan dia hilang. Vanishes into thin air. Tu je lah. Tapi as a whole cite dia boring ah bagi aku. But sleek enough to make the last chapter as the working novel title. Semangat aku baca nak cari mana gajah yg hilang tu. Last2 baru jumpa kat last pages WTF???! Wicked Murakami. 

hm kat sini rupenye gajah tu menghilang lols.

The one and only story yang aku paling suka ialah kisah boxer Ozawa ngan budak bijak Aoki. Kisah rivalry budak sekolah menengah. Kan best kalau Murakami bleh buat one whole novel about that. Huhu. Ozawa budak low-profile, bese2 je result - average. Aoki budak bijak, popular, tapi munafik. Dia tak leh terima yang Ozawa dapat markah paling tinggi untuk paper English. Even cikgu dan kawan2 dia tak sangka Ozawa bleh surpass Aoki. Satu kelas terkesima. Dek kerana tak puah hati, Aoki spread rumours yg si Ozawa tu meniru utk dapat highest mark. Jahat nak mampus Aoki. Busuk hati sungguh. Sila meninggal (bak kata Lukman Podolski). Ozawa memang tak puas hati la kene fitnah lalu dia confront si Aoki and tumbuk dia sedebuk, Orang dahla pandai boxing kau cari pasal ngan dia apehal. Kan dah kena. Hahahaha. Aoki tak balas, dia diam je. Ingat diam sedar diri rupanya jahat lagi and merancang sesuatu. And at the end, si Ozawa yg kene siasat ngan polis sebab dia dituduh kononnya jadi punca sorang budak laki skool dorang mati akibat kene pukul ngan someone kat skul lalu nekad bunuh diri akibat stress. Padahal bukan dia yg buli budak tu, senior dorang yg pesalahnya. Si Aoki la kot yang spread rumors kali kedua yg Ozawa could  be the reason as to the bullying case just because he learnt boxing. Jahat budak tu. 

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

mungkin itulah yg dipikirkan Aoki dalam hati masa kene tumbuk. Tapi jahat la si Aoki. Otak bijak tapi cunning. Jangan jadi macam Aoki please.

In the end, Kafka on the Shore gak best. No wonder termasuk dalam top 3 novel Haruki Murakami. 

Saturday, October 08, 2016

The realization of your true self who is actually a loser in this life

Image result for bts fire 333

Fire is among the legendary songs of BTS. It's all about being yourself and at the same time being humble. I particularly love that hint of down-to-earth tone when they say "just live your life coz it's yours. Don't try hard, it's okay to lose," just wowwwww! (Or should I paraphrase in V's word bow wow wow). This song is literally Dope!!! Ermm by the way you should also check out Dope as well and Dope is of course as Dope as the name suggests (lols self-explanatory!). 

Their songs are adulterated with simple messages about life and adulthood. It depicts the dilemma of young people going through social judgment and persecution. Social pressure and/or peer pressure are real deals. Just see how many teenagers are having stress in life messing themselves with the thought of making life decision. It's hard. Himdeorosso!

So three years now BTS just came along our way to remind us how we are actually not very much different from one another. We all live in this life bearing such hugeeeee responsibility behind our backs. But at the same time we're being reminded on how to be human. Never lose those true essence of human beings - sincerity, honesty, forgiveness, generosity, happiness. Be happy never wallow too much in sadness coz you'd end up in madness.

Mic drop!

---------------- F . I . R . E . -------------------
When I wake up in my room,
I have nothing,
Once the sun goes down,
I stumble,
I’m out of my mind,
like an insane person,
It’s all a mess,
livin’ like beep
Just live how you want
Your life is yours
Don’t try so hard
It’s alright to lose
Put your hands up and shout
Burn it up
Burning up
Burn it all Bow wow wow
Burn it all Bow wow wow
Hey, burn it up
Like you want to burn it all
Hey, turn it up
Until the dawn breaks
It’s okay to just live
We’re still young
Who do you think you are
to say otherwise
Stop comparing,
I’m just me (So what)
(Fire) The scared, this way
(Fire) The miserable, this way
(Fire) With your fists up, all night long
(Fire) In marching footsteps
(Fire) Jump, go crazy
Fire Fire, burn it all Bow wow wow
Fire Fire , burn it all Bow wow wow
Fire Fire , burn it all Bow wow wow
I’ll forgive you

Image result for bts fire 333

lollll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kasih mu dayah hahahahahha~~~

Saturday, October 01, 2016

I hereby bid thee farewell

Smells like tobacco in here.

I coughed a bit after having inhaled what appeared to be tobacco smoke. To be honest, smokers are despicable. They did not care a bit about other people apart from relinquishing themselves by sucking those killer puffs of smokes. Blergh. I hate smokes and smokers. I cursed a lot of smokers before and I really hate them. I even killed a lot of smokers before in my mind haaha. Even for bus drivers, I won't accept their justification to use tobacco to avoid drowsiness. You can nail it merely by drinking heavy coffee or maybe eat chewing gums. But smoking? Please don't kid me.

After the bus moved, i suddenly remembered the conversation with the guard at University Height, the apartment we were having our sojourn at. I was standing there, waiting for my friend to bring the car over at the lobby to load our things since that was the last day staying and we were checking out. After talking about the apartment and he telling me about his work, the man asked me how old i was.

"You think, how old am I? Come on, take a guess,"

I replied while curving a smile.

It took him about 3 seconds to give it a try.

"Twenty two?"

He said with a hint of reasonable doubt, to which i dismissed by saying i was 27. He was a bit shocked to figure out my real age. Am i looking like a 22 year old girl? A little bit flattering to have been mistaken to be that young. Can I even pass as a 22 year old if i go to the malll. Hahaha. What an imagination. I myself was quite surprised when he told me he was 30. With that physical look of him, I could've sworn that he looked like a 24 year old guy. He was shorter than me and he has this child like presence. I don't know, maybe it was the way he talked- kind of the way a curious child does. He asked a lot of things. I did not quite enjoy small talks but since it took it quite a time for my friend to arrive, i just follow the flow.

My friend arrived and we bid farewell. I clambered into the car and we set off to our friend's wedding at SRK sri permai bayan baru pulau pinang. The hall of the primary school was located in front of giant mall and a famous nasi kandar eatery, Pelita Restaurant. Alas, I didn't get to eat laksa penang! Ugh. I've been hankering to eat laksa penang made by penangite.

It was awesome - the gathering. Even when not all classmates were there, it was a fun meeting with my friends. It felt so good to see how well my friends are doing. We exchanged stories and reminisced past memories in usim.

My stay at penang was an escapism and a start of another page in my life. I think it's never gonna be easy to have a PhD scroll in my hands. Got to struggle for another 4 year or so for the sake of phd. Truth be told, i am actually shaking with terror at the thought of furthering my phd study but still i am already on the fast lane towards it. So ironic is that?

Gotta be more resilient and diligent after this. Idgaf gonna be my life motto. Lols.
10.22 pm on the bus to Terengganu.

mellow melodies

where you can reach me.

where you can reach me.