Wednesday, October 26, 2016

damage beyond repair.





 and some people just know nothing about the struggle - the pain of the remorse, the unending regret, the beguiling temptations. each of us has our own devil, the alter ego we must face and beat to the ground before it takes its turn knocking us down once we lost our guard. 



then again, who says we couldn't atone for the bad deeds we had done in the past. it's a fact that He is forgiving, but the only problem is we fail to forgive ourselves and ended up delving into the same destructive pit again and again. please wake up, before the end of the day when you can no longer wake up from the nightmare of death.




"Once you commit a wrong thing, it could be considered a mistake, but the second time is called CHOICE." (Dean Winchester) 




so if you choose to keep making mistakes, then the blame is entirely on you... 





i used to think that i was myself damaged beyond repair. i kept being drifted in the world of temptations, kept making mistakes over and over again, thinking that it would be no use to go back to being a good unsullied person. when in actuality, i actually failed to forgive myself, to take another chance to move on from the past, and to be a better person in this life. how much i had wasted time on damaging myself. when allah had asked in Quran, why would you throw yourself into pit of destruction?



sometimes, we have to go with our own way of doing things even when others may disapprove and give judgmental remark on what we do. and even when the action is no way justifiable with any reason you can come up with, you just gotta go with the flow coz you know deep down inside, it's better for you. nope, it is the best. maybe for the time being, at least. it's your own way to solve your mental problem which was way more sickening than this cursed addiction and obsession, something worse and way despicable. only God knows. nobody else knows. 



it means like i tried to curb the other savage/filthy alter ego of mine by diverting my moxie towards something which could bring about less detrimental effects to me physically and mentally. i tried to suppress the unrelenting and unbridled will to do bad things using this and believe me, nobody would've expected that this (read: method) works miraculously. still, it's by no means a good solution nor is it a good and strong justification to vouch for what i do. i really appreciate friends and relatives who would throw in some advice regarding this but believe me, i try my best to get out. but it's not that simple. in fact, i am so much thankful for there are so many good people to come by and remind me of what to do and not to do. it's a blessing - to have good people advising you in life. what's matter here is how you would lower down the ego bar so that you can accept that piece of golden advice and make good out of it. and to my surprise, it's only a matter of time. in sha Allah, i will change for better future of my own life. it's just a matter of time.

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