Saturday, November 26, 2016

Stigma of the Persona non Grata

The memory of the bloody thing,
That robbed me of my pure childhood,
Kept lingering in my head,
The horrendous images of the scenes,
Got replayed with no delay,
Prompting some weird feeling,
Triggered from within.

The horrific sight,
Was not supposed to happen,
Was not supposed to imprint,
In my naive mind,
But after a set of events,
Which was triggered like Dominos,
It happened, and trapped me in endless remorse,
For what moulded my life till this point,
And eventually get my life hanging loose by a thread.

I was confused
Is this not wrong?
Is this not self-violation?
Is this not corruption?

I tried to reach out for help,
But it seemed i failed to scream,
As if something held me back,
With all its might,
Thwarting me from spilling the beans.

The worst was yet to happen,
I was left in dilemma,
I thought it was okay and sane,
To stay and pretend it was not a stigma,
In fact i was infiltrated with the dogma,
Of the sweetness to delve in worldly lures, pleasures and aroma.

I took turn and looked inside a mirror,
But i see nothing but a persona non grata -
twitching in terror,
Wrapped in the hegemony of hedonism.
Which trapped me in the cruel prison.

I was being engulfed into holes of hell.
While thinking that all is well.
Ignorance is bliss,
But at the end it's just a bitch.

The pain of remorse impaled me,
Pinned me in the darkest times,
Turned me into mangled piece millions of times,
I lost count,
I lost count how much inhuman I become.

The regret is too much,
But the lure is too sweet to let go,
That I ended up dwelling in the same pain,
Again and again.
Till I finally wrapped in shame,
And started blaming myself and my childhood,
And my perpetrator,

Starting to make me blurted the biggest question of all time - WHY ME?
And that's when I realized, it's not you who I can't forgive - it's ME.
I'm just tired

Why does the cruel cycle has to repeat?

Written by JennieFreesia

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mellow melodies

where you can reach me.

where you can reach me.