Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Life is another name for IRONY

Life might seem simple,
when it's actually not,
So many things you stumble,
happen for reasons not for naught.

Of all people you encounter,
not all will become your banter,
some will become enemies,
some eventually become families.
with whom you share the sorrow,
and all the cries that follow.

Sometimes you gotta ask,
Why me why this?
Everyone has a past,
but you chose dwell 
not peace.

Foul memories make you scowl,
Robbing you off your sanity,
They are like predators in a prowl,
haunting you for eternity.

Revenge is smoldering inside,
Killing you under your skin,
Smothered in smokes you are trapped,
Lost in grudges and guilt.

Take a step to forgive,
and another to forget,
Live a life to receive,
Give and take -
a nice way to live.

Fear is a bitch,
it keeps you from being you,
It is something you need to ditch,
coz it's a glitch that will defeat you.

A flicker of light,
A twitch of gaze,
A drop of tears,
A glimpse of shadow,
hidden - eluded,

It feels funny,
to see all the irony,
God knows how and why,
and I shall go ask Him when I die.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017


I don't know why but every time I see a baby or a little kid, my heart flutters and there will be cute lullabies of music box songs playing in the air. Babies are so cute and innocent. I find them absolutely adorable. I am a very strong woman who always use too much force whenever I do things so whenever I saw a baby I felt the urge to cradle it, stroke it in my arms but the thought of my excessive energy had me suppressed the feeling. It is ironic. Loving babies but had to withhold the strong feeling to hold them. It is hard.

It's okay. I guess I could have mustered the courage to hold my own babies some day when the time comes. Maybe soon.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

The heart which goes travelling

It is kind of funny, my life now is.

I've been going back and forth to get all my matters done. Now I am on my way to my alma mater to complete yet another task. It's kind of good, being able to go on multiple trips like this. Just last week I went to Penang with my mom and thank goodness everything went smooth. I don't know why I am writing this. Maybe because I had not been writing for so long now it itches to rant on something.

People are so diverse. We come from many different backgrounds and history but we are all humans. And as long as we are human, we are always on the unending journey of life. Today we are here, tomorrow who knows where and whom we are gonna be with. LIFE is such a mystery. We never know what happens next, who are we gonna meet, what we will do.

I see so many Caucasians just now, wearing very few clothes, sporting those heavy backpacks, looking around making faces, scowling and frowning while waiting for the bus. Some looked tad serious and had this weary expression - tired maybe. These are common views for foreigners here in terengganu. I have been a foreigner once and it felt good. Being among total strangers and having small talks with by-passers really felt liberating. I kind of liked that. The adventure was so surreal and I was glad to be in the trip.

It was so suffocating to smell those puffs of smokes from those darn smokers. I hate smokers. Just now i saw some hobos sleeping on the benches. To think they had to go through such a life is so sad. It got me real hard. But that's just how life is. Who knows they'd end up that way.

Okay moving on.

Being a woman means you can simply be happy at the thought of donning new clothes for a new trip. As for me, I would always get myself a new garment coz it makes me feel confident having my day in them. It does not have to be expensive, as long as it is new. Haha.

Okay enough of such random posting. Bye.

Friday, March 10, 2017


When you try to calm down and get things done one by one, it feels refreshing. One of the documented weaknesses of women is our tendency to connect all the problems at hands producing a huge chunk of wrecking ball inside our mind, which resulted in chaos in the chambers of thought and it gave us restlessness hence making us overwhelmed with all those feelings of anger, worry and irritation. At the end, you just felt pressured and stressed resulting in elevated amount of cortisol in blood, which is bad. So, instead of troubling yourself by overthinking, try to relax, and resort to men's way of tackling problems i.e. list down everything you want to settle or solve on a piece of paper. By doing so, it helps you to break down your problems into small pieces and you can figure out which step to take in order to solve it according to priorities and order. Indeed it is so true. That's how I tackle my problems - list down everything on a piece of paper.

By the way, the weakness that I mentioned above is not really a weakness. The ability of us, women, to connect all things together come in handy when we do chores - it allows us to multitask greatly. Apart from that, it enables us to connect all those people who are beloved in our life when we take a stroll down the memory lane. Our ability to connect all things at once enables us to love more and appreciate more. 

That's what differentiates men and women. We live to complete one another but at times, women are expected to do what men can do, and to think the way men think. Truthfully, it's hard. Being a woman nowadays is harder than it was 10 to 20 years ago. We are expected to expand our inner mind apart from our outer beauty (which is most likely expected from men). That's a hard cookie.

Nothing ever comes easy. You must work for it.


Daftar belajar dengan my mom. Rase mudah je perjalanan daftar sebab doa mak kan makbul. Berkat bawak mak la mudah je rasa proses semua tu.

Depan asrama.

Monday, March 06, 2017


Mimpi mungkin mainan tidur, tapi sesetengah mimpi mungkin menjadi indikator kepada sesuatu keputusan yg telah atau bakal dibuat.

Vivid dream paling bahaya sebab rase surreal. As if kita betul2 mengalami mende tu sedangkan semua tu mimpi. Kadang terasa jelas apa2 yg berlaku dlm mimpi tu, macam real sangat dengan perasaan cemasnye, berpeluhnye, rase penat berlari. Hari tu mimpi jatuh tempat tinggi. Banyak kali jugak mimpi kene culik. Nauzubillah. Kene kejar dengan org jahat. Sangat menakutkan. Terus tak jadi nak ke USM sorang2. Hahahaha.

Tadi mimpi pasal adik aku pesan jangan terlalu banyak berkurung dalam bilik, bahaya. Sebab boleh jadi mende dok molek. Mgkin sebab bisikan syaitan untuk buat mende jahat. Lepas je adik aku kuar dlm mimpi tu, aku terjaga. Sesaat lepas aku terjaga aku dgr ketukan pintu mak aku suh sembahyang asar.

Bila banyak bersendirian, mmg diakui rase tenang. Tak payah layan kerenah manusia yg berbagai2 jenis tu. Tapi, ade bahayanya. You have all time and space to think about arguable everything. Sometimes you get carried away and lost in thought. It's dangerous.

Thursday, March 02, 2017

Feel like....

Now I feel like running away.

I'm stuck.

I try my best to stay calm stay positive.

But at the end, I got hurt.

I felt suffocated.

Seems like I am not fit to go thru this thing.

No matter how much I force myself to be positive, somehow I felt it is wrong at the pit of my stomach.

This feeling is so frightening.


mellow melodies

where you can reach me.

where you can reach me.