How many times have I asked myself: Why? Why am I doing a PhD? Why have I embarked on this journey of constant challenges? Why have I allowed MS Word and printed papers to become such a big part of my life? Why?
I am sure I am not the only doctoral researcher who asked this question at some stage during the PhD. And this is normal…in fact this is great! We should ask this question more often to try to gain better understanding of what we do and the world we live in…
I was thinking a lot about the answer to this questions. And my answer to this question is simpler than I thought. I do it….to be happy!!! Do you remember that feeling of happiness when you learnt that you were accepted for a PhD programme? How happy did you feel when you shared your experiences with other PhD students? Or when your first conference paper was accepted?.. I felt happy yesterday when I was presenting some of the results of my research at an ESCalate seminar. Yes, I felt happy and grateful that I could just share my experience, my vision, the results of my work with others. I felt grateful that there were PhD supervisors in the audience who listened to my perceptions as a PhD student. And you never know, it might have influenced their vision of a supervision process…at least a bit. And it means it might potentially change the life of other PhD students who are working with these supervisors. Yes…bigger picture…there is always a bigger picture behind your small limited piece of research…you just need to learn to see it. So why are we avoiding happiness? It’s time to take all opportunities and make decisions, to do our best and give the best to the world, time to be happy…
I’ve recently been through a PhD/existential crisis myself, time when you question everything and feel lost…And this was the time when one wise person told me: You are where you are for a reason! You are given an opportunity! Benefit from it!
If you feel depressed, trapped and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. Remember, we are where we are for a reason! We are here to challenge ourselves, to change ourselves and the world, to learn, to share and care through our research…
Let’s be grateful for this, for this life changing opportunity!
Posted on June 17, 2011 by elenaphd
taken from: https://elenaphd.wordpress.com/
This happened exactly to me, in fact it is still happening. That turbulence in me is no joke. It's like a tsunami of mixed feelings. I also stumbled a wise person in my life throughout this painful journey of soul-crushing hurdle. That particular wise person in my life is Erma Fatiha. Thanks Erma. That article above really reflected my feeling now. In fact my bestie Dzilal Amir also encouraged me. Not to mention my mom and dad and my sister. But now I am having trouble in my heart, the heart and the brain are not synchronized. ottoke? i am meshed inside. so broken so damaged. what is there for me to do?
Selalu terjaga dalam pukul 4-5. Macam Allah nak suh aku bangun berdoa and./or tahajjud. Dia tahu how restless I am right now. Hopeless, restless, overwhelmed. I am having the biggest internal battle of my life -- ALONE.